Opening a new chapter

2011-12-23T06:53:00.000+08:00

Friday Night

2011-12-17T02:28:00.009+08:00

Friday night is laundry night. And as with last week I sat on a stool in the kitchen toilet scrubbing away at stuffz with my expensive manicured nails getting terribly in the way. :X They're a little chipped now but I don't really care since I'm removing the polish soon hahaha. Bye nice nails~

My mum very smartly soaked a dark pink pouch with a couple of white cloth bags in bleach. And now my giraffe bag is stained pink urgh. No amount of scrubbing with soap could remove the pinkness. Instead it made it worse by making the colour of my giraffe run. It must be a very sad giraffe now. :(

Today I opened a coconut for the first time in my life. I had all the knives in my house lined up before me and I tried all of them repeatedly. Took me nearly half an hour to finally chop it open. By then I was so tired that I could barely scrape the coconut flesh using a spoon zzz. Plus I cut myself and started bleeding scarily. And later on while washing stuff my hand started bleeding again. Scary much. :X Even more scary was how when chopping the coconut I was thinking about the Physics formula of Pressure = Force over Area. :P

Sigh I think I'm currently in some kind of depression or smthing. Been moping around these few days with no appetite and eating one meal a day. :/ I lost nearly 2kg over the past few days... And I don't feel like going out or seeing anyone zzz. Super touchy too and forever feeling like I'm offending other people. What happened to happy me?

想踮起脚尖找寻爱远远的存在
我来不及说声嗨影子就从人海晕开

才踮起脚尖的期待只怕被亏待
我够不着还微笑忍耐
等你回过头来

If there's anything I've learnt, I'd say it's the importance of learning to stand on your own feet. No one can stand by you all the time, and you can't be over-reliant on your friends to pick you up every time you fall. In the darkest of night, you have to be your own light.

【没安全感的人10大特征】

1. 会爱音乐，非常非常爱；
2. 怕黑，却习惯晚睡；
3. 隐藏真正心事;
4. 喜欢有口袋的衣服，否则会不知道手放在哪里；
5. 习惯抱臂习惯冷战；
6. 会突然不知所措；
7. 喜欢窗户喜欢蜷缩；
8. 喜欢写字阅读；
9. 莫名的孤单，无法抗拒的恐惧感；
10.不爱说话或很爱说话。

一直以来用乐观和坚强撑起伪装，却早以漏洞百出。我抓得太紧，又太害怕被推开；我讨厌如此患得患失的自己。我宁愿用一座象牙塔把自己包围起来。若我不再惹人厌烦，是否便不会厌恶自己？我一直努力讨每个人的欢心，却弄得一团糟。我太骄傲，受不了冷淡和拒绝，可又讨厌自己因此而闷闷不乐。我曾经是快乐的。在我眼中，那是最完美的自己。而现在的我，离那个完美的自己太远、太远...

或许，我最大的不完美，便是无法接受自己的不完美。

Tag replies:
^shinhuoy: let's play again next time :D
^sarah: don't i always cry in movies/shows hahaha (i didn't for puss in boots though!)
^yifei: haha you flatter me i'm not very intellectual lah! :P thanks for being such a loyal reader of my blog all these years I <333 you too :)
^wenyun: haha i can name some of the lamps in my life LOL

恋爱恐慌症

2011-12-15T13:22:00.004+08:00

Went to watch 那些年 yesterday. Hmm strangely enough I didn't cry as much as I thought I would. Only a bit hahaha. Maybe I can't really identify with the characters ba seeing that I never really tried very hard to like someone. O:

Or maybe I'm just heartless. :/

Maybe I should watch this show.

男女之间...有没有纯友谊?

能不能答应我，永远不要爱上我？

因为拥有，就是失去的开始。

A Wicked Night Indeed

2011-12-08T00:09:00.003+08:00

Wicked today was awesomeeee. I love too many songs from the musical to list them out here so I shall just post one that I think I haven't posted before.

I admit, I cried at this part. Not only cos it was a sad and touching scene, but also because the song reminded me of my friends. :)

So here's a dedication to all my friends, who've stood by me all these years~

Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
halfway through the wood.
Who can say if i've been changed for the better
but, because i knew you
I have been changed for good.

(Photos will be up soon! xD)

Would you rather be my brother or my lamp? O.o

2011-12-01T11:50:00.001+08:00

Music is Love

2011-11-29T23:15:00.002+08:00

Yay I just re-stringed my pipa and played it for the first time since...concert? Playing an instrument is like...riding a bicycle or ice-skating. If you haven't done it in a while your standard kinda goes down. So at first I was super appalled by how I couldn't really get the hang of playing and had horrible yinse. Luckily after half an hour it got better. :)

But the calluses on my left hand are gone so it hurt a lot pressing the strings. Plus I've been keeping my nails long for prom which got into the way slightly. But haha I really miss my pipa! It's been too lonely for the past 6 months so I really ought to spend more time with it. :)

Isn't it strange that sometimes you think that you love something a lot, then one day suddenly realise that you really don't and the only reason why you've stuck to it is cos you're used to it? And on the other hand, you may think that you no longer miss something anymore, but one day you think of it and you're shocked at how much it still aches your heart. :/

I wonder when I shall get to play in a CO again? I thought I wouldn't miss it (I used to think I was sick of playing pipa and only went for the company of friends) but it seems like 6 years of habit is hard to kick. :P The only thing that could possibly be more fun than hanging out with friends is perhaps making music together with friends! :D

The Joys of Reading

2011-11-29T15:09:00.003+08:00

First day of post-As :))) Stayed up late reading a mystery novel (Ruth Rendel's To Goon with Death) and slept till a very embarassing time hahaha. Then had to force myself to leave my bed because I had a dental appointment...

I rmb I used to have a horrible fear of dentists in primary school, and whenever students appeared at the classroom with a list of people who are supposed to go see the school dentist, I'd get a terrible dreadful feeling in my tummy. Good thing that fear kinda dissipated when I grew up, and somehow now I can't rmb why I was so afraid of them in the past.

My teeth is healthy heh heh. Hope they last me a good few decades cos I don't relish the thought of fake teeth too early on in my life. :P But it's a bit annoying sometimes when people assume that just cos you look Chinese means you can't really speak english. Even the Malay dentist was trying to communicate with me by explaining that he is going to xiya for me, requested that I kai my mouth, and asked me if I keyi. Too bad that I could only answer with nods or grunts cos my mouth was wide open with a whole lot of weird apparatus stuck inside.

Yesterday was a good day hoho. Had my last A levels paper and had fun suanning everyone else who have Chem today. xD Then I displayed commendable resourcefulness by securing pipa strings from RICO and hopefully not scaring any little RI boys in the process. :X Special thanks to Mr Simon Tang for his immense helpfulness, though I was amused by his hairstyle involving a fringe gel-ed at interesting angles (which reminded me of AstroBoy). :P

While waiting for my mum at Orchard I spent a good hour or so at the Prologue bookstore reading. :) At first I went to Wheelock then when I reached I remembered that Borders is gone, and was extremely devastated. D: Oh how I miss those times back in RG when we used to chill there so often!

Then I spent quite a while trying to find a bookstore in Ion cos it was kinda big haha. I really think every shopping centre needs to have a bookstore, and not the kind like Popular at Lot One either (which stocks mostly assessment books and cookery stuff -.-). When you step into a sophisticated bookshop, the entire atmosphere is different. Bookstores and libraries each have their respective kind of smell that amazingly gives you an adrenaline rush. :P They are like quiet sanctuaries amidst the rush of day; I could spend hours and hours just sitting there taking books from the shelf and reading. :) Maybe that's why they are always located near the top floors of shopping centres. People who want to visit bookstores will look for them, and not the other way round. Plus in Singapore good bookstores are spaced out so sparsely that there's pathetically little competition. :(

I realised when I'm alone I like to hang out at bookstores/libraries. Although I love shopping with other people (even just window shopping), I absolutely hate doing it on my own. Somehow I feel super self-conscious when I walk into clothing/shoe/assessories stores on my own. It's different when I'm amongst books. No one rushes up to ask you whether or not you need assistance. No one stands around spying on you as you browse through their goods. You are really not pressured to buy anything, at all. You are free to peruse their collections freely. You can venture in to take a break from life, then leave when you're ready to face the world again.

I'm beginning to take up reading again. (Just like how I began to take up cross-stitch again too.) That's one of the things that I've sorely missed overly the past few years when life has been chock full of school stuff. I've missed the feeling of being transported to another world. I've missed being able to look through someone else's eyes. And I've missed laughing and crying together with the book as the plot flows. (Yes, I do laugh and cry when I read.)

And I realise I love books with historical context. The dazzling portrayal of amazing cultures that I've never experienced is addicting in itself. Plus other than enjoying the plot you always manage to learn stuff. I love mystery novels too. Because of the intrigue and logical deduction that keeps me on my toes and makes me think. One of my favourites of all time - Agatha Christie. :) Which reminds me, I borrowed a couple of her books from snao quite a while ago, I should really get down to reading them and return him ASAP.

Oh what a good life have we!

the way we were

2011-11-28T00:51:00.008+08:00

When I read the Princess Diaries series a long long time ago, I remember thinking that Mia Thermopolis was one annoying character. Although I am a girl too, I nearly couldn't stand the extent to which she is over-sensitive, over-analyses everything and obsesses unnecessarily over small issues.

A few years later, I watched part of Sex and the City, I thought Carrie Bradshaw was extremely annoying too. Neurotic and over-emotional. Goes crazy over little things. Screwed up her relationships ever so badly.

But strangely these characters are immensely popular amongst females all over the world. Now, as I reflect upon it, perhaps we all see part of ourselves in these women. The part of us that is oversensitive and thinks wayyyy too much. It tires us out; it tires others out too. No matter how intelligent, capable and rational a woman is, these traits will still exist within her.

I used to be ashamed of that side of me. I used to try to suppress the emotional part of myself, and emphasise on my rational side. But you can never pretend to be someone whom you are not. Just like how it is lame trying to act more dumb than you really are, it is immensely tiring forcing yourself to swallow words that you want to say.

We were taught that women ought to be proud of their intelligence, but no one tells us that we ought to be proud of being emotional. Would you say that it is a fault that should be corrected? Or would you say, no, this is me, and I am not going to apologise for who I am?

Friends accept you for who you are. My friends are all the more dear to me because they put up with my idiosyncrasies and do not get tired of my incessant whining about the same thing for the millionth time. Some friends, though they may not understand what I am going through, are always there to show moral support. Friends who are like me empathise, friends who are unlike me sympathise. Mutual understanding and tolerance, that is the magic behind friendships.

In the past I suppose I always had my emotional guard up. Perhaps the events from 10 years ago left their mark, and for years I had a fear of getting too attached to anything and anyone. The more you care, the more it's going to hurt. But after many years, I learnt to rely on friends again. I learnt to trust that they would never hurt my feelings.

But people change, and there isn't really anyone to blame. I always believed that friendship should be a very natural thing. If it's not meant to be, perhaps we should just allow ourseives to drift apart. Yes, it hurts, but it's alright, I will pick up the pieces of my heart. Life goes on.

I admit, at times I blame myself. I feel that it is somewhat my fault, for having driven others away with my faults. But I will learn to deal with it. This is who I am, and maybe we just stopped communicating along the same frequency. And out of respect for our relationship, I will not attempt to pretend to be someone whom I'm not just to salvage it.

I remember I used to have a huge fictional crush on Michael Moscovitz, because despite all of Mia's imperfections, he really adored her, and he knew exactly how to sooth her ruffled feathers. He understood her insecurities, and loved her just as she was. In SATC, Carrie had 3 amazing girlfriends who stood by each other through thick and thin. It reminds me of my own lovable girlfriends. We stand by each other through all the emotional rollercoasters and we help pick each other up when we fall. It's a beautiful thing. And despite everything that happened between them, Carrie was the only woman whom Mr Big really loved. Those who love you, love you for who you are, and they would not expect you to change.

And so I shall not let myself feel ashamed for who I am. So what if I'm oversensitive or over-emotional? I love the way I have such a wide capacity to feel. To laugh, to cry, or even to do both at the same time. This is what I tell myself every time I start feeling insecure. For if even I don't love myself, who will?

And when all that is said and done, perhaps there is only one regret left. The question that I nearly asked but never did.

Do you, in any way, miss the way we were in the past?

走到淡水的海岸两个人的爱情
已经无人看已经无人听啊

我跟你最好就到这你对我已经没感觉到这冻止你也免爱我
我跟你最好就到这你对我已经没感觉麦阁伤心
麦阁我这爱你你不爱我

有些话，因为信任而倾诉。有些人，却是因为失望而离开。

那我又是为什么，还傻傻地站在原地呢?

Defying Gravity

2011-11-27T21:12:00.004+08:00

LAST PAPER OF MY PAST 12 YEARS OF FORMAL EDUCATION!!!

(I know tomorrow is physics, and what i'm going to say kinda goes against what Newton said and all..)

BUT LET'S DEFY GRAVITY TOMORROW! :))))

(the song that I'm addicted to at the moment. HAH!)

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
Cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!

Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

RJCO - forever and always

2011-11-22T01:09:00.003+08:00

It's 1am the night before (or should i say, morning of?) my physics A levels paper3. And don't ask me why but somehow I'm re-watching SYF videos.

I started with dabohe. It's so difficult to describe how I felt...it's like a tsunami of emotion that was filling me up inside, making my heart ache so much that it was bordering on painful. At the same time it's so viscous (sorry was doing physics) that it just refused to be released, like the feeling in the huqin part in block 2 (if i rmb correctly). Even now, long after I finished watching it, the feeling continues to linger within me.

Interestingly listening to yangfan evoked the exact same feeling as it used to every dazu 6 months ago. The huqin melody at the front continues to nearly move me to tears. And my emotions ebb and flow so fluidly, yet at the same time so full of rhythm, just as before.

Some things can never be forgotten. Perhaps in another year's time I'd have forgotten all my notes (which I can still somewhat recall at this point in time), but I don't think the emotions will ever leave my memory.

And not just the memories on the day itself. The entire 2 year journey has been a magical one. 10 years later when I think back on my 6 years in Raffles, perhaps the only thing that I will truly recall and cherish (other than friendships) is my CO experience.

Oh what would I give to relive those memories again!

2011-11-21T19:28:00.006+08:00

Abandoned a really emo post that I was in the middle of writing cos it was taking too long zzz. Shall write something brainless hoho.

Yay only physics left!!! Not that I've mugged. Oh dear. D:

Snao you are bad influence! Sighh first dota now maple...

Econs was horrible cos the micro questions were really weird. Picked question 2 cos I was running out of time and ended up writing rubbish. T_T It's such a vague question omg totally dunno how to define the parameters. That question is so going to screw me over.

Ok shall go back to finish watching youtube then ermmm attempt to mug physics. xD Esp seeing that I screwed up paper2 so badly so die die must do well for paper3. :X

Lol the noise in MPH after econs was driving me crazy today. What happened to not being allowed to talk in the exam hall? Disrupted my attempt to zen. T_T

Ooooh the 十二星座宝宝 thing on fb posts interesting stuff.

人与人间的信任，就像是纸片，一旦破损，就不会再回到原来的样子。

Hmm is that true? What does it take to repair trust? O:

一个男人爱你的时候总会觉得你笨，处处要他担心，反之，不爱你的时候，会觉得你聪明伶俐，不劳任何人操心。

LOL perhaps this is one of the few instances in which you'd be glad to be dumb hohoho xD

如果你爱一个人，你会了解她的一切，而不需要问她；如果你不爱一个人，即使她告诉你她的一切，你也还是会忘记的。

So sad!

永远不要为伤害你的人哭泣，笑着告诉他：谢谢你给我机会，去寻找那个比你更好的人。

Awwww :))

Yay this is like tumblr so cool!

Will you be my girlfriend?

2011-11-18T23:26:00.002+08:00

'I believe I would like to alter the paradigm of our relationship. With the understanding that nothing changes whatsoever, physical or otherwise, I would not object to us no longer characterizing you as not my girlfriend.'

'Amy, will you be my girlfriend?'

Oh my goodness I just totally died at this part <3<3<3 Suddenly the whole room so warm omggg even though it could be cos I switched off my air-con but SHELDON AND AMY!!!!!

The background music was epic too oh gosh. Though I do feel sorry for Stuart but SHELDON AND AMY <3<3<3

And okay I think i need to recover from this. -fans myself-

想飞的自由落体

2011-11-18T01:31:00.003+08:00

Been spending my non-revision time doing a lot of interesting things. Maple, dota, SLEEP, watch youtube. xD (Which as you can see, is a lot of leisure activities. By the Law of Conservation of Time, it would mean that the time spent on revision is...pathetically little. But that's besides the point.)

Been watching this show called 《小资女孩向前冲》。 Some of the songs are quite nice hahaha. And strangely enough I like the random songs they insert more than the title/ending theme hmm.

喜欢和爱之间的差距
想觉醒又沉溺的乐趣
既怀疑又坚信着爱情

喜欢人潮满溢的空虚
也爱在噪音里等静谧
看泪水和笑容成正比

一面随性一面封闭
那一面是我自己
朝无边无际寻找回音
想飞的自由落体

一面抽离一面贴近
病重到底就痊愈
理智地对谁放肆着迷
笑着练习分离
面向太阳找背影
谁是我自己

认识你也许我就足够了
缘分的深浅我都不管了
可能你感动也看不见我心如刀割
那怕很痛过至少就不算错过

好朋友只是朋友还是朋友
不能够占有
好朋友疯狂以后就一个人走
无所求

好朋友只是朋友
只能保留一点点温柔
我知道什么时候回头
不打扰你的自由

And on an another note, I've found a job from March-June next year. :) So my post-A time is quite well-occupied, seeing that I'll be in China for 1 month+ at the start of the year, prob coming back mid Feb. Yay! :)

2011-11-14T01:18:00.002+08:00

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new

Flashback, warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcases of memories,
Time after

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me,
I can't hear what you've said

Then you say
Go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

CHORUS:
If you're lost you can look
And you will find me
Time after time

If you fall I will catch you--
I'll be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades
And darkness has turned to gray
Watching through windows
You're wondering
If I'm OK

secrets stolen
from deep inside
the drum beats out of time

CHORUS

魔鬼中的天使

2011-11-13T15:26:00.006+08:00

管叫我疯子，不准叫我傻子。

每个人总有年少轻狂的时候。

让一切随风消逝，就如当初的过往。

而当千帆过尽，只剩下感谢。

感谢回忆，感谢你。

还有那曾经照亮我的心的，皎洁月光。

2011-11-07T19:40:00.004+08:00

Dear dqdq~

Here is a letter of encouragement to you before the Big Day. :)

I know that you're sometimes insecure, and often anxious about not having studied enough (which is true, btw), please do keep calm and carry on. :) You know fully well what happened in the past when you were overcome with nerves and was almost driven crazy by insomnia during prelims. (Not that you weren't crazy on a normal basis.) I'm sure you wouldn't want that to happen again!

And anyway, you've managed to survive 2 years of JC life and escape unscathed (generally), so at this moment in time you should not let all the effort in the past go to waste. You are better than you think (maybe), so just go on and do your best. Tomorrow will be the the culmination of all academic efforts over the past 6 years. Be strong and strive on. It is the beginning of the end. :)

Even if you do not manage to get what you hoped to achieve, do not be disheartened. When life closes one door, it opens another window. A levels are not the end of everything. While it may be a slight setback in life, a much greater tragedy would be if all your friends deserted you, or if you or your family members become stricken with disease. This may sound cliche, but look at all the unfortunate people around you, and the challenges that lie in front of you will not look so daunting anymore.

No mountain is too high to climb, much less a small hill like this one. The human spirit is strong beyond imagination, and you will be able to achieve, as long as you put your mind to it. Have faith in yourself, and have faith in the magical bell curve. :P

And last but not least, remember that whatever happens, I will always be your biggest fan. :)

All the best!

XOXO,
Yours truly

2011-11-06T21:33:00.003+08:00

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=295316040493084&set=a.197703953587627.49590.184927488198607&type=1&theater

铅笔先生爱上了白纸小姐。他写情诗送她，白纸小姐却选择了钢笔先生。铅笔先生很伤心，拜托橡皮小姐把自己的情诗清理干净。他想，默默爱她吧，永远别让她知道写情诗其实会耗尽自己生命。铅笔先生不会知道，暗恋他的橡皮小姐，其实也在耗尽自己生命地帮助他爱她。

Emo much?

孤独的最高境界是繁华

2011-11-05T20:41:00.007+08:00

I have been reading horoscopes from this chinese fb page. It's so accurate omggg. Plus the language is so nice :)

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=219551044736251&set=a.219550741402948.62281.184927488198607&type=3&theater

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=219869468037742&set=a.219869288037760.62437.184927488198607&type=3&theater

I originally typed a lotta stuff here, but then I decided nothing that I write can match up to how aptly they described how I feel.

It's like you suddenly see through yourself and discover those secrets and insecurities that you've hidden for so long that you forgot about them, or even some things that you never knew about yourself.

原来，自己才是 - 最陌生的人。

But then again, horoscopes are supposed to be non-scientific. :P Or in sheldon cooper's words, "mass cultural dellusion that the sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality".

Recently been talking to some people. It's sad, isn't it, to discover the mean side of your own gender. Sighh I don't really know how other people work, but personally, 与其辜负别人，宁愿被辜负。 The worst feeling in the world, is to live with guilt all the time.

Sometimes I'm glad that I'm not a pretty girl. At least this way if anyone likes me it will be for who I am, and not just my appearance. I'd hate it if we fall in love, and THEN he discovers that I am not who he thought I am. 感情这种东西，贵精不贵多, so it's okay, 只要是金子，总会有发光的一天。

And somehow after all this time, it's only till now that I appreciate what you've done for me. I admit, I panicked, but now I'd like to put aside all my fears and ask for forgiveness, will you still give me that chance?

I'm sorry for all the hurt. And most of all, thank you, that I ever meant anything to you.

But I can't lie to you, nor can I lie to myself.

Cos life is just full of irony.

你還是要幸福你千萬不要再招惹別人哭
所有錯誤從我這裏落幕別跟著我銘心刻骨

你還是要幸福我才能確定我還得很清楚
確定自己再也不會佔據你的篇幅
明天開始這一切都結束

Tag replies:

^celeste: I think dummy is dying. I haven't heard from him in a while. >< Treetch is cute though! But he kinda isn't growing any bigger...nor is the baby!!! Haha yeah you don't look like the cross-stitch type... I usually buy small projects (like this one) so that it doesn't get boring. A few years ago I tried to do a reasonably big one and I gave up halfway so now I'm restarting on it lol. I think now I have more stamina and patience as compared to a few years before, plus I'm much faster too. :P LOL i like the milo and chocolate too...trust you to notice all the food! And yes you are lame, and you are spamming my tagboard, but it's okay celeste is not celeste without all of that, and I <333 you cos of that too! :)))

^shinhuoy: thanks tauhuay :) heh how you know i spend a lot of time stalking ppl. :P Anyway tell me when CO starts after As, snao and I can go crash xD

Roses are red, violets are blue

2011-11-04T20:20:00.010+08:00

Am i a little crazy for doing this during my pre-As "mugging" period?

I really loved this pattern though, cos there are so many layers of colours that make the whole thing look so sophisticated. :)

Plus I don't usually do much sewing but this time I stitched up the pouch myself heh. Good training i guess. xD

I wonder what I shall do with it. I usually give my finished cross-stitch products to other people as gifts, but I love this one so much! Perhaps I shall present it to myself as a Valentine's Day gift next year hahaha.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You may not know it
But someone loves you
- Princess Diaries

Close-up:

Further close-up:

With the RGS FAM bear!

Treetch is tucked into the pouch so cozily <333

Treetch version 2.0!

Tortoise!

With...my hand cream?! Okay I'm being really random xD

Food!

-end spam-

Random random

2011-11-02T05:43:00.006+08:00

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2011124/Cows-best-friends-stressed-separated.html?fb_ref=LikeButtonTop&fb_source=home_multiline

Cows are so cute omg. I can totally emphathise with them!!! Being around friends greatly reduces my stress level. <3

And there are so many movies that I wanna watch!!! Hope they don't end before my As end. :X

I've posted about this movie before lol. One of my friends has been posting about it A LOT on fb...

I am quite sure all guys, at some point of their lives, changed themselves because of a girl.
- quote from my friend

I never knew sec3 boys are so experienced in that already?! Maybe being stuck in girls' schools for 7 years has greatly reduced my understanding of the male species. But then again, as with all aspects of intellectual inquiry, the more you learn about them, the more you realise you'll never understand them truly. :P

曾經想征服全世界
到最後回首才發現
這世界滴滴點點全部都是妳

What a romantic song <333

I thought the first trailer that I posted was funnier but I really like this one line from this one:

每个男孩心中，都有一个沈佳宜。

xD

This is another movie that i wanna watch! It's based on 几米's book, and the theme song is by 五月天!

http://www.facebook.com/notes/%E4%BA%94%E6%9C%88%E5%A4%A9-%E9%98%BF%E4%BF%A1/%E6%98%9F%E7%A9%BA%E6%9C%89%E9%99%B0%E5%BD%B1%E7%9A%84%E5%9C%B0%E6%96%B9%E5%BF%85%E5%AE%9A%E6%9C%89%E5%85%89/238405796215112

阿信 is <333 I lurveee his lyrics for this song hahaha

這是一部聽得見心跳的電影，每個人的青春都有某個瞬間，凝結在時空裡，深深的，無法抹滅。想起曾經有那樣一個人，讓你奮不顧身和他一起去冒險，看看這世界的美好...

Sounds interesting? xD

My favourite part is the chorus :)

那一年我們望著星空有那麼多的燦爛的夢
至少回憶會永久像不變星空陪著我

tingwei: hahaha a lot of ppl say that i look like a fox...since RG times heh :P but i'm not as cute as the picture!

trina and celeste: HAHAHA i was wondering why celeste suddenly asked me "sup" too :P at first i thought it's really uncharacteristic of her to say that then after a while i realised what she's referring to lol! and omg trinaling what "old fat rock sitting on a piece of mud" that's such an unglam scene oh dear

睡醒再用功

2011-11-01T18:13:00.003+08:00

Been seeing my chinese teachers a lot these couple of days...both in and outside of class lol. Haha they are so nice I think I'm going to miss them after I graduate (as with many of my other teachers). 曾老师 gave this emo speech today about how he has enjoyed teaching us and that we are a batch that he will remember. :) Sigh we were all super super touched!

And of course any lesson with 曾老师 is incomplete without lame jokes. :P

曾老师:现在泰国闹水灾，听说只要带够钱，就不会受影响。请问这笔钱数目多少?
同学：四千万
曾老师:为什么?
同学：额...我随便猜的
曾老师:因为没四（事)千万不要去泰国
同学们： ...

And then I heard one of the scholars say： Oh no my roommate is from Thailand!
And his friend replied: It's okay he's from canoe-ing

I was super super amused. xD Trinaling you know who they're talking about. :P

Then when I was walking down from the library with felix I met 叶老师。

叶老师：在用功啊？
我：额...我在图书馆睡觉...
叶老师：好，睡醒了再用功!
Felix: Your chinese teacher is so encouraging

Sigh 叶老师 is such a motherly teacher haha. I think I'll miss the whole Chinese department cos I know so many teachers there. :P It's kind of scary that what I tell one chinese teacher gets spread to another chinese teacher... Makes me wonder what they say about us behind our backs hahaha.

Haha felix if you see this...thanks for talking to me so much these days. :) And for taking train home with me and carrying my bag. :P Life is complicated but don't be sad kays! :)

Wenyun and weiyi: Thanks for being such lovable girls and hanging out with me today too. xD Having friends around makes everything easier!

Celeste and trina: Awww you girls are so sweet :):):) Lol celeste i told tree that out of the 3 of us, you're the cutest, she's the pickiest, and I'm the blurrest. :P So celeste you bear a resemblance to anything that's cute! Plus isn't it nice to resemble me, seeing that you're supposedly descended from me? xD Tienli said I used to look more like the baby fox when I was younger...and now I just look like an old fox. Well, better than snao calling me "old fat rock" i guess. :/

Okayyy shall eat dinnerz and attempt to do work tonight. I'm kinda high now cos of excessive sleeping in the school library. And waking up with an imprint of the eagle crest thingy on my face cos i was sleeping on felix's pullover. :X

We live in tumultuous times,
But hey, it's the beginning of the end :)

And music keeps me awake while studying <333

Well, I never saw it coming, I should've started running
A long, long time ago
And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know

Baby Fox!

2011-10-30T02:48:00.001+08:00

Tienli says i look like this xD

IT'S DAMN CUTE <33333

But i'm that cute meh? Don't believe. :/

Your Colorgenics Profile

2011-10-29T17:23:00.002+08:00

Name: Deng Qing
Date: Saturday 29th 2011f October 2011 05:20:27 AM
Colorgenics Number: 4/1/5/0/2/3/6/7/

You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding. You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.

At this time you 'need to be needed' and again you 'need to need'. You have had this feeling for some time now and you are looking for someone who could share a close bond in an atmosphere of shared intimacy. You have the belief that with the right person you could conquer the world.

You are not an argumentative sort of person and 'rather than fight - you'd switch' (an old cigarette ad cliche). But when you try to assert yourself - as sometimes you may try to do - you meet with so much resistance and effrontery that manifests itself so obviously that you become hurt, indignant and resentful. So in order to have peace and quiet you tend to become inhibited. You keep it all to yourself but deep down, you 'feel' and 'hurt' a lot.

Presently, you are experiencing stress because of restriction on your independence. You need and seek respect from other people and it is essential that they appreciate you for yourself and not for what they would like you to be. You have your own beliefs and convictions and you would like to be respected for them. You are anxious to avail yourself of every opportunity that may come your way but nevertheless, come what may, you have the need to control your own destiny without imposed limitations or restrictions.

You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!

Oh em gee this is so scarily accurate!!! Especially considering what a short test it was that did not involve any words at all :X

2011-10-28T23:42:00.002+08:00

有时我想，人生其实是很美好的。

比如，我想想考完试后的各个约会，考试前的这段时间便似乎没那么可怕了。我再想想以后要走的路，虽然充满了未知，但却令人期待和兴奋。有好多事情我想去做，好多梦想等着我去实现，我对未来充满了美好的憧憬。18岁，就象站在十字路口中央，有太多可能性等我们去探索。我固然对逝去的童年感到不舍，却也迫不及待迈入精彩的未来。

人生，因为有梦而美好。

有时我心情沮丧的时候，会觉得人生太辛苦。但后来想想，我生命中其实有很多值得珍惜的东西。我有许多至交好友，陪伴我走过一切风风雨雨，与我分享我的快乐，在我伤心难过的时候安慰我，开解我。我也有好多一直守护在我身边的家人。亲情是永恒的，家是我休息的港湾。我累了倦了的时候，可以回来疗伤。不管我在外面过得怎么样，家人总是会用温暖的拥抱接纳我，安慰我。既然我身边有这么多爱我，在乎我的人，那我的生命着实是值得留恋的。

人生，因为有爱而美好。

老实说，我也常觉得自己有缺点，并为此难过、自责。可我渐渐学会了接受自己。我不一定是最漂亮、最聪明、最有人缘的，最重要的是我过的是我想过的人生，做的是我爱做的事情。只要活在当下，过好每一天，我便已非常满足。何谓快乐，便是在想哭的时候哭，想笑的时候笑，不隐藏自己。有人告诉我，她很难找到一个形容词来概括我的性格，因为有时我像淑女般含蓄温婉，有时又像个男孩子般大胆淘气。可我喜欢这样的自己。我不完美，可是我很本色。

人生，因为做自己而美好。

而最终，还是心态最重要。同样一杯水，有些人觉得它半满，有些人觉得它半空。我的这杯水，已经这么满了，又何必在乎那漏掉的几滴呢?今天我能站在这里，呼吸得到空气，看得到斑斓的彩虹，嗅得到雨后泥土的味道，感受得到夕阳打在恋上的温暖，已经很不容易了。我诞生在这个世上，经历了我所经历过的一切，已是非常神奇的，又有什么好郁郁不乐的呢?或许只有经历过了失去，才学会珍惜自己所拥有的，我不愿到头来留下遗憾。

人生，因为懂得感恩而美好。

我想，我是快乐的。你呢?

Neurosis

2011-10-28T20:28:00.002+08:00

neu·rot·ic (n-rtk, ny-)
adj.
1. Of, relating to, or affected with a neurosis. No longer in scientific use.
2. Informal Overanxious: neurotic about punctuality.
n.
1. A person suffering from a neurosis. No longer in scientific use.
2. Informal A person prone to excessive anxiety and emotional upset.

Your girl is lovely, Hubble

Must be too much exam stress ahhhh

Our Last Summer

2011-10-26T22:24:00.001+08:00

I can still recall
Our last summer
I still see it all

Walks along the Seine
Laughing in the rain
Our last summer
Memories that remain

I can still recall
Our last summer
I still see it all

In the tourist jam
Round the Notre Dame
Our last summer
Walking hand in hand

I Am Woman

2011-10-25T22:44:00.002+08:00

If I have to, i can do anything
I am strong, I am invincible
I am woman~

2011-10-25T20:50:00.005+08:00

nicolexthriills.soup.io/post/110631136/That-awkward-moment-when-you-thought-you

(ref link above:) THIS pretty much sums up my life right now.

Snao can I blame you for introducing me to dota?

Or in actual fact more like i should blame myself for doing all the OTHER things that lead to procrastination...

Tumblr is such a useful tool. Perhaps I shall get one.

2011-10-21T06:21:00.002+08:00

摸不到的顏色，是否叫彩虹？
看不到的擁抱，是否叫做微風？
一個人想著一個人，是否就叫寂寞？

- 五月天，阿信

2011-10-18T17:37:00.003+08:00

记得当初你说过，不会辜负别人对你的信任。虽然我知道这并不是对我说的，可我却一直相信你会遵守这个诺言。或许是我太天真，又或许是现实不容许我们维持当初的纯真，最终我们照样越行越远，不再有交集。

你伤害了我，你知道吗？不过换个角度想，说不定，我也曾狠狠伤害过别人。

人与人之间，总是如此。遇见，碰撞出火花，然后冷却，最后互相辜负、遗忘。

而这也实在怨不了谁。有缘陪我们一路走下去的人，少之又少，我们应该好好珍惜。

当要放手的时候，就潇洒地让它随风而去吧。抓得太紧，只会伤人伤己。

越在乎的人，越是输家，是吗？

2011-10-16T20:20:00.001+08:00

Thinking of You~

2011-10-11T17:15:00.003+08:00

This is such a sad song :(

当蝴蝶飞过沧海

2011-10-11T15:29:00.005+08:00

A while ago wenyun referred me to this article from The Straits Times. We are who we have loved by Sumiko Tan. (link: http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/9/25/focus/9546660&sec=focus)

There was this bit that really amused me:

You can’t make someone love you just because you love him... He might grow to like you a lot because you’re caring, but a woman deserves more than being merely liked a lot by the man she loves. She deserves to be truly, madly, deeply loved.

And may I mention, Truly, Madly, Deeply was one of my favourite songs. First heard it during RGCO farewell when I was sec1. I think that was the first and only time that I cried during CCA farewell lol. Guess I grew up after that. >< Though I do miss my young innocent self haha.

I used to be a blank page.

I wanna stand with you on a mountain
I wanna bathe with you in the sea
I wanna lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

And well Prelims results are back! I guess I did ok-ly...with many subjects scraping through very narrowly. :P Econs sucked though, which is sad cos this just had to be the one time that I screw Econs up so badly. :X Math I was actually quite relieved that I didn't do worse (considering how horrible paper1 was) but well, we shouldn't be content with a B shall we.

And now time for the final stretch! I need to erm move my lazy butt and actually start mugging lol.

不是蝴蝶飞不过沧海，而是沧海的那一端，已经没有了等待。

夜半随笔

2011-09-30T02:46:00.008+08:00

最近看《步步惊心》，有一段台词令我印象深刻。是一段佛家经文，源自《法句经》。

从爱生忧患，从爱生怖畏；
离爱无忧患，何处有怖畏？
是故莫爱着，爱别离为苦。
若无爱与憎，彼即无羁缚。

我虽不信佛，但这段话还是很符我的心境的。恐惧、忧愁，皆源于"爱"。心中若无爱，那便无惧无愁，无欲无求。只有如此，才能真正做到大彻大悟，六根清静。

可我却自认做不到。人生有太多放不下的。爱虽带来痛苦烦恼，可也让我们拥有无法言喻的快乐。是福是祸，不过看各人的造化罢了。

看到网上的评论，很多人觉得《步步惊心》女主不够漂亮。我却感到奇怪。在我心目中刘诗诗可算是数一数二的美女，我一直觉得她的古装尤其清丽脱俗。或许真是我的审美观与别人不同吧。我最欣赏的，一向是有气质的美女。虽说不上哪里漂亮，可只须往那儿一站，就连背影，也都是令人眼前一亮的。外表上的光鲜亮丽迟早会被岁月给消磨殆尽，只有由内而外透出的善良高贵，才是永恒的。

万紫千红，我独钟百合。当初第一眼看到它，便不知为何被吸引。没有华丽的包装，精致的布置，只有一朵孤零零的花独自立在绿丛中。从此我每日必经邻居的阳台，为的就是要看它一眼。直到邻居改种其他花种，可它却永存于我心中。

那时还不知它的名字，后来搜寻到，反而更为它所倾心。百合百合，百年好合是也。在中华文化中，它自古便被视为婚礼上的吉祥花卉。高雅纯洁的外表，更给它带来“云裳仙子”的美名。除此而外，它还能被食用，并具有润肺止咳，清火，宁心安神的药效。美丽的花卉有了实用的功能，更令人怜惜。

麝香百合的花语是高贵、纯洁。这正是我心目中最闪亮的那种美。

(最近看《步步惊心》哭得太掺，只好暂时缓一缓，随便写一些随笔抒发抒发心情。不然已经哭得眼睛生疼，再看下去可吃不消！也罢，明日再战!:P)

十诫诗

2011-09-30T02:18:00.002+08:00

作者：仓央嘉措

第一最好不相见，如此便可不相恋。

第二最好不相知，如此便可不相思。

但曾相见便相知，相见何如不见时。

安得与君相诀绝，免教生死作相思。

2011-09-28T00:45:00.004+08:00

爱一个人得不到回应，是一个人的悲哀。

两个人明明相爱却不能在一起，却是两个人的悲哀。

真可谓：情到深处无怨由。

呜。。。为什么会这么入戏害得我一直哭一直哭。。。电视太催泪了简直折磨人嘛！

上次看电视哭得这么惨好象是《美人心计》吧。幸亏《宫》大部分还算喜剧，不然真要象林黛玉般泪尽而亡了。。。如果不是因为要考As还真想找部搞笑无脑的戏来调节调节身心呢! ：X

哎哟拜托我知道我是女生可也不用这么多愁善感吧。。。呜呜呜

（继续回去大哭一场-ing)

2011-09-27T23:01:00.002+08:00

Maybe it's not good to watch shows... Every night emotional upheaval and cry at the tearjerking scenes! Not very good for emotional well-being. :X

Sigh maybe I should really watch more chick flicks/brainless comedy next time. Watching dramas is so emotionally draining. ><

Ahhhhh damn emo now how? :(

步步惊心

2011-09-27T04:56:00.002+08:00

一念执着

一眼之念一念执着
注定就此飞蛾扑火
明知是祸
为何还不知所措

最好不见最好不念
如此才可不与你相恋
多一步的擦肩
就步步沦陷

是时间的过错
让我们只能错过
我多想念你多遥远

早知道是苦果
这一刻也不想逃脱
可惜这字眼太刺眼　　
两个世界之后
不想逃脱

是时间的过错
我们只能错过
我有多么想念你有多遥远
早知道结局是不能抗拒的错
停留在这一刻
只好情深缘浅
　　

等下个季节

等夏天等秋天
等下个季节
要等到月亮变全
你才会回到我身边

要不要再见面
没办法还是想念
突然想看你的脸
熟悉的感觉

不牵手也可以漫步风霜雨雪
不能相见也要朝思暮念

只想让你知道
我真的很好
爱一生恋一世
我也会等你到老

只想让你知道
放不下也忘不掉
你的笑你的好
是我温暖的依靠

Cos I'm Me

2011-09-26T01:47:00.003+08:00

King of Anything
Sara Bareilles

Keep drinkin' coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside

So many things I'd say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by

You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked

So let me thank you for your time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast

I hate to break it you babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save

Chorus:

Who cares if you disagree? You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best

But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction, oh
But you'll never see

You're so busy makin' maps
With my name on them in all caps
You've got the talkin' down, just not the listening

Chorus

All my life I've tried
To make everybody happy while I just hurt and hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide

Chorus x2

Let me hold your crown, babe

Yay prelims are OVER!

2011-09-24T01:12:00.002+08:00

And now it's time to take a break and tidy up some loose ends before we get back our dreaded prelims results. :X (Though I admit I've been taking a very long break since the end of math last week cough cough.)

Ah and must mug mug for SAT2. And do some admin stuffz. (Personal Qualities T_T)

And perhaps enjoy life more? Now is not the time to stress. Slow and steady does the trick. :) Though um must start mugging really regularly so that there won't be any need for last-minute chionging before As.

Somehow there's nothing to post about. Maybe cos my life has been this incessant cycle of sleeping/studying/gaming. Mostly sleeping.

Okay to end off the very boring post, shall post an MV to a song that I like a lot (and have posted before)

The 毛毛虫/蝴蝶 and 蒲公英 story is so sad but sweet!!!

It somehow totally does not feel like prelims has ended...

2011-09-22T23:49:00.001+08:00

Oooh someone watch this movie with me after As?

It's coming out 10/11/11!

2011-09-22T23:02:00.005+08:00

曾经，有一个小女孩。她最怕的就是黑暗的夜晚。可在她独自居住的小屋里，每到晚上，只有她自己对着一片黑暗发抖。

有一天，有人送了她一盏灯。这盏灯点亮了她的夜晚。它给了她温暖和勇气。从此她每到夜晚便会陪着灯聊天，直到她在亮光下沉沉睡去。

后来，女孩离开了小屋。在大城市里，夜晚是璀璨的。那里的灯，各式各样的都有，既华美，又灿烂。

但她还是怀念当初那盏灯。现在的灯再美，也比不上从前那盏普通又朴实的灯。它陪伴她走过最黑暗的日子，在她的心目中，是无可取代的。

可她知道，她已回不去了。那盏灯不过是她人生中的一个过客。接下来的路，她还是得自己走下去。

而那，也不过只是一盏灯而已。

思。念

2011-09-22T22:46:00.002+08:00

只因为在人群中多看了你一眼
再也没能忘掉你的容颜
梦想着偶然能有一天再相见
从此我开始孤单地思念

想你时你在天边
想你时你在眼前
想你时你在脑海
想你时你在心田

宁愿相信我们前世有约
今生的爱情故事不会再改变
宁愿用这一生等你发现
我一直在你身边
从未走远

好诗意的歌词，唱尽百转千回的爱恋。空灵的声音，衬托着最纯粹的感情。

又仿佛，回到当初那触动心弦的第一眼。

原来思念是一种很玄的东西。令人欣喜，也令人心碎。偶尔回想起来，只怕也是回味无穷的吧。

问世间情为何物，直叫人生死相许?

2011-09-14T20:09:00.002+08:00

今天的报纸<四方八面>版有一段话我很欣赏

倘若付出了努力和真心仍无法赶上对方的脚步，而他/她也毫无意思要放缓脚步等你,那即使是万分的不舍，这或许就是你该鞠躬退场的时候了。

好精辟!我一向不推崇不战而退,但适时地知难而退却也是一种智慧!

不过当然还是要在已尽力的情况下啦!:)

Back to mugging~

Tiredzzz

2011-09-01T23:42:00.004+08:00

How true... This is exactly how I've been spending the past (close to) 18 years of my life. And yes now we're supposed to be mugging our brains out but I'm totally not doing that. I feel so guilty whenever I see other people being so hardworking haha.

And today's econs is testimony to how unprepared I really am. Esp after the paper and you hear people discussing and you realise just how much you missed out. :P

Hmm exams are tiring. But yay I'm listening to a Taylor Swift song.

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day.
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say.

Sigh I have nothing meaningful to write. :X My life is so boringzzzz

2011-08-30T22:23:00.000+08:00

Panda versus biofuel

2011-08-30T20:44:00.002+08:00

http://www.grist.org/list/2011-08-29-panda-poop-could-revolutionize-biofuels

This reminds me of the 2009 A levels case study on biofuels. Hmm I wonder what the econs tutors would think if we suggested panda poo as a possible solution to the problem of food shortage in the world. GP too, for that matter. (Both of which occur within the next 2 days...)

On a side note, the panda is really cute. :) I <333 pandas~~~

Ramblings

2011-08-15T22:25:00.002+08:00

Was at dhoby ghaut today. Was reminded of...mango dessert, taking the wrong train, and full moons.

And i got lost. Yes.

Then afterwards I dreamt of weiqi. In my dream she was attending some other JC, then we were just chatting and catching up with each other. It felt so real. As if we were back to old times. Only after I woke up did I suddenly realise that, no, she isn't here with us anymore.

I guess everyone has a part of our hearts reserved for those who left us. Even after wounds have healed, these memories still surface once in a while.

I miss her.

And on another note, I've been having dreams of a certain trend lately. Is it supposed to show something? This is not good. :X

爱，是我一个人的事情

2011-08-07T19:01:00.004+08:00

又在看安意如的诗词赏析，这次看的是《思无邪》，写的是诗经。先秦人民的生活是较原始、朴素的。表达思想感情，亦是如此。尤其是对自由爱情的歌颂，这在之后被封建礼数所约束的各个朝代中，是较少见的。许多所摘录的民歌，都是从女性角度来叙述的，或许更能令人产生共鸣吧！

《卫风.氓》是中国第一首写弃妇的叙事诗。有一句我觉得很有意思。

士之耽兮,犹可说也。女之耽兮,不可说也。

这句话的意思是，男子要是沉迷爱情，还可以解脱，但女子要是沉迷了，就很难解脱了。我对男生了解不深，不知道这句话是否正确，但我想还是保持中立比较安全。如果我在这里同意了，或许会被丢石头吧。：P

作者把这首诗与白居易的乐府诗《井底引银瓶》相比，我对结尾两句特有感触。

为君一日恩，误妾百年身。
寄言痴小人家女，慎勿将身轻许人！

几千年来，在感情中，女性难道由始至终都是较脆弱的一方？如今人人搞男女平等，可在情感上，我们平等吗？

大车槛槛，毳衣如菼。岂不尔思？畏子不敢。

大车啍啍，毳衣如璊。岂不尔思？畏子不奔。

毂则异室，死则同穴。谓予不信，有如皦日。

——《王风·大车》

这首诗有几种不同的译解，而作者选用了其中一种。诗中的女子爱上了一名贵族男子。街道上，一辆牛车缓缓驶来，车上坐的，便是她朝思暮想的心上人。他坐在车上，穿着华美的衣服，正好衬托着他的气宇不凡。她混在人群中，仰望着他清俊的容颜，心中百感交集。车子缓慢地驶过她的身边，想必车上的他，也是有留恋的吧。可他对身分的顾忌始终超过了他对她的爱恋。

他和她之间确实曾经相爱，而且现在分开，也不是不再相爱。而是认清了不能继续这样没结果的爱下去。趁还有退路时放手，纵然此际眼中衔泪，心中不舍，也比逼到最后反目成仇要好。

纵然有千滴泪，也无法挽回。爱情在现实面前，竟然如此渺小。

我怎么能不思念你呢，我的爱人。只是知道你是不会为了我而放弃你现在拥有的一切，背弃你的父母，与我远走高飞的。这诚然是我的心愿。但我又何尝不知道你是怎样的人？你稳重，你守礼，你是翩翩君子，思想和你衣服颜色一样明洁。你对国事，对父母兄弟的，对将来的炽热之心如你的衣服一样赤红明艳。

一起私奔，远走他乡，到一个没有任何事物可以禁锢爱情自由的地方去。逃离，对某些人来说未尝不是破釜沉舟的好办法，但是你不会这么做。我是了解的，不能强求你，你有太多未完成的理想，爱情只是其中之一，而我，亦只是其中之一。因为爱你，所以要陪你牺牲，要为你牺牲。

我可以转身就走的，放下了你这感情包袱，或者反而相信爱。可是我放不下你，因为懂得你太多背负，不忍你孤独，甘愿同你一起承担。

这女子的爱是如此决烈。就算他不能给她幸福，可她宁愿站在暗处悄悄地陪着他，也不愿舍他而去，去追寻自己的幸福。她的一生，似乎就为他一人而活。她把他的理想，看得比她的个人幸福更加地重要。尽管他的身边定是围绕着太多人，可她从不在乎。只要看着他幸福，她一生足矣。

也因此，她才许下了“生不同室，死却同穴”的诺言。他是她的全部。没有了他，她宁愿追随到地下。这样的结局对她来说，应是美满的，可又何尝不是一种奢望呢?

在没有见到你的时候，我也是这样一日不见如隔三秋地想念着。这种全心全意的思念，我知你不会，因为你不够时间来做这样的事，也庆幸你不必领会这种焦灼和无助。用情少的人，擦身而过的时候会比较轻松。我希望你可以自在地转身。

现在开始，不要回头，我不想我的记忆里有你离开的背影。

你不用难过，也不必抱歉，知道与你分手是无法抗拒的，只是想告诉你，我是可以为你做任何事的。爱，是我一个人的事情。

或许男人的生命中总是有着太多的目标，太多的追求。也只有如此痴情的女子，肯一心一意的为着一个人好。甚至庆幸，你用的情没我多，如此你便能少痛一些。我的爱情，不过是我一个人的地老天慌，无需任何回报。

由古至今，世间事千变万化，原来还有爱情，是恒古不变的。

遗失的美好

2011-08-04T05:49:00.000+08:00

海的思念绵延不绝
终于和天在地平线交会
爱如果走得够远
应该也会跟幸福相见

承诺常常很像蝴蝶
美丽的飞盘旋然后不见
但我相信你给我的誓言
就像一定会来的春天

我始终带着你爱的微笑
一路上寻找我遗失的美好
不小心当泪滑过嘴角
就用你握过的手抹掉

再多的风景也从不停靠
只一心寻找我遗失的美好
有的人说不清哪里好
但就是谁都替代不了

在最开始的那一秒有些事早已经注定要到老
虽然命运爱开玩笑真心会和真心遇到

Welfare in Singapore

2011-08-02T02:49:00.003+08:00

Was doing some research for my long overdue GP essay and came across this article in The Economist: Welfare in Singapore - The Stingy Nanny
http://www.economist.com/node/15524092

And at the same time, I also came across another article that explains the rationale behind Singapore's welfare model.

Security with Self-Reliance: The Argument for the Singapore Model
http://www.cscollege.gov.sg/cgl/pub_ethos_5g1.htm

What I found particularly interesting was this paragraph:

In a welfare state, it is often taken for granted that no one would choose to do anything that they knew would lead them to become destitute. Hence, anyone in that situation must have come to be so due to forces beyond his control or knowledge and, in a compassionate society, would be entitled to a relatively good standard of living, supported by the more fortunate members of society.

So it seems that the key difference regarding the issue of welfare, is that welfare states assume that people would inherently always work as hard as they can to pursue higher standards of living, whereas Singapore believes that people are not that disciplined but are instead prone to undesirable qualities such as laziness. I think that would be a very interesting idea to debate about, though currently at 3am my mind is too muddled to think through it clearly. :P

Another issue that both article kind of addressed is the relationship between welfare and foreign labour. The Economist argues that a more extensive social safety net would encourage public support for Singapore's migrant worker policy. What do you think?

Shall end with a quote from The Economist article that I guess sums up the situation:

While self-reliance is a good principle in general, it may be neither efficient nor just if taken to extremes

The Story of Us

2011-07-29T01:14:00.003+08:00

Taylor Swift's new MV! Sigh why don't we look half as cool as her in school u... The MV's quite cute though :P

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us
How we met and the sparks flew instantly
People would say, "they're the lucky ones"

I used to know my place was a spot next to you
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on

Oh, a simple complication
Miscommunications lead to fall out
So many things that I wish you knew
So many walls up I can't break through

CHORUS:
Now I'm standing alone
In a crowded room
And we're not speaking

And I'm dying to know
Is it killing you
Like it's killing me?

I don't know what to say
Since a twist of fate
When it all broke down

And the story of us
Looks a lot like a tragedy now

(Next chapter)

How'd we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes
And trying to look busy
And you're doing your best to avoid me

I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here
But you held your pride like you should have held me

Oh, we're scared to see the ending
Why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how
I've never heard silence quite this loud

CHORUS

This is looking like a contest
Of who can act like they care less
But I liked it better when you were on my side

The battle's in your hands now
But I would lay my armor down
If you'd say you'd rather love than fight

So many things that you wish I knew
But the story of us might be ending soon

CHORUS

An Attempt to Inject Intellectual-ness into my Life

2011-07-26T01:45:00.007+08:00

Yay been reading some articles online and shall discuss some stuffz here to uhh sound more smart! xD

1. Education

http://www.facebook.com/notes/janelle-nicodemus-lee/an-open-letter-to-the-education-minister/10150248404359401

I guess many people have seen this post before, though I just came across it. So here's some quotes that I like:

The beauty of education is to ask 'Why?' and have those questions answered. To be aware of knowledge one never knew about. To constantly discover new insights and new things every day, to answer questions lurking in our minds. But far too often, we are taught not to ask why, to just memorise. To get an A1, all we have to do is memorise our textbooks inside out and upside down, and be able to regurgitate them on the very day, tweaking them minimally to answer the questions asked. In the pursuit for grades, I believe we have lost the beauty of education: The ability to ask 'Why?'

I admit that I myself harbour this kind of mindset a lot of the time. E.g. as long as some part of lecture is 'optional' and won't be tested, I automatically shut off. (Although not that I don't sleep in lectures normally. :P) But I guess many of us are so used to studying along the supposed 'Learning Outcomes', ticking off what we know against a checklist, that we are too content with simply fulfiling the goal of memorising the syllabus. Especially as the syllabus is already too much for our brains to grasp, such that we are unwilling to 'waste' brain space on information that won't provide quantifiable benefit in the form of exam results. Of course, this does not apply to EVERYONE, as evidenced by the many smart smart people in our school who seem to know a lot of cheem out-of-syllabus things, but you get what I mean...

We may be a First World Country, but if our education system still holds the belief that we are in a Second or Third World Country, and need to furiously cram facts in our head to get out of the cycle of poverty fast, then we will never truly raise First World leaders.

Although I don't necessary agree with all of the author's arguments (I think she is generalising on some points), I do agree that education needs to evolve with the times. Just like how Lee Kuan Yew's style of leadership was critical to Singapore's survival post-independence but would hardly be well-received in today's context. One of the factors that contributed to Singapore's success is how its people are so industrious, but in a way the 'kiasu-ness' brings down our quality of life (or otherwise known as non-material standard of living in econs lol), which leads to high stress levels blah blah. Now that we have achieved economic success, ought we continue with the mindset that we're still 'not-there-yet' and need to keep on striving hard, or should we adopt another attitude in which we learn to be content with what we have and just sit back and 'chill'? To make a generalised comparison, are we willing to trade material well-being for non-material well-being?

Teachers often 'eat up' our CME lessons to have their own lessons, for one. Though this may not be a commonplace occurence, it happens extremely often for graduating classes when teachers are rushing to finish up the syllabus. Again, the system sends out another message: As long as you can get all A1s for your O levels, your character does not matter.

Ah. How familiar does this sound. Somehow over the years it's become very obvious to us which are the subjects that 'matter' and which are the ones that don't. Those that aren't tested, or do not contribute significantly to overall grades, don't require us to put in effort. So if we need energy for the next class we should just sleep in these 'unimportant' classes since well, it's not going to be tested anyway! (I'm referring to RG philo classes btw :P) And in response to the author's point about Civics and Moral Education, I think that giving us an NE quiz isn't a very good way to test our uh national identity either. Especially since non-Singaporeans take it also cos they have to fulfil the RD. -.-

http://www.facebook.com/notes/monica-lim/letter-to-heng-swee-keat/10150267225049783

And yes, another well-known letter.

This treatment of academic prowess as a “superior” skill can be seen throughout our system. Although we profess to embrace all talents, it’s often lip service... The message we seem to be sending is: we'll look at your other talents IF you have the academic ability.

Although there is supposedly more diversity in our education system now, what with all the specialised schools in arts, technology and whatnot, academics is still obviously the most 'desired' talent. And being in Raffles really reinforces that. How many of us would really sacrifice our schoolwork to pursue our talents in other areas? (With the exception of certain smartypants who excel in both academics and non-academics, which unfortunately excludes the majority of our school population. :X)

Even otherwise worthwhile activities, such as CCAs and community service, have lost their noble intent somewhat, as many students now perform these duties clinically for the sake of window dressing their resume.

Does this not remind you of a certain RD Application that we've recently had to submit? Being the guinea pig batch we would perhaps have been less affected, but I can just imagine future batches designing their extra-curricular activities around the criteria listed by the RD. Sometimes I really wonder if students would be so active in CIP work and such if not for the fact that, well, we have to fulfil certain requirements. I used to cringe when writing CIP reflections and exaggerating about our 'noble intents', but now I'm so used to it that I don't even THINK about why I do community service anymore. Does that mean that I've cultivated the habit of doing service to the community? Or that I'm used to doing such projects because it is encouraged by the school?

Also, our supposed 'diversity in talents' unfortunately is limited to the range of 'talents' listed by the school. Let's say a student is gifted in a skill such as knitting, which obviously does not fall into any of our 5 categories, how is his/her talent less desirable than another skill such as being able to perform Carmen Fantasy on violin or winning the sports championships? While some students may persist in their hobbies, such as some of my friends who are cosplay fanatics, but in the end academics always come first. In a way many of us will never realise how 'talented' we are, simply because our abilities aren't recognised as 'talents' or we never get the opportunity to develop them since we always prioritise other things above them.

No education system is a one size fits all but we need to consider the best interest of the majority of students. If half your students fail in an exam, it doesn’t reflect badly on the student – it reflects badly on the teaching. I find that in setting the curriculum and exam papers, there seems to be some semi-sadistic streak in MOE and schools, to trip kids up and make them feel stupid.

I'm not sure how I stand on this point haha. While this seems to be a trend in certain departments in RJ (econs cough cough), it seems to have turned out good results for A levels over the past years. But I do wonder if de-moralising students will necessarily spur them on to work harder and whether this is a better strategy as compared to making the bell curves for school exams more similar to that of the actual A levels.

Does having one less ‘A’ make you less of a person?

And to conclude my longggg part on education, while supposedly character is more important than academics, undeniably more opportunities are open if one possess outstanding school grades. Though of course a good character would enable one to succeed in the long run. I guess in this case an interesting question to ponder would be whether the social system is fair in rewarding people equally according to the strength of both ability and character?

2. Transport

http://motoring.asiaone.com/Motoring/News/Story/A1Story20110719-289947.html

Came across this interesting article. It's so econs-ish! While Singapore's public transport industry is ostensibly an oligopoly with 2 major firms, SMRT and SBS, government regulation effectively makes the industry a monopoly as these firms have to operate distinct routes. Along individual routes, there is no competition, and consumers have no alternative to turn to even if they are unhappy with increases in price. As such, the government's argument that the privatisation of this industry would achieve efficiency seems rather shaky indeed. Although I guess we can consider the POV that the competition comes in at the stage of tendering for these routes, it remains that once the services come into operation, the prices and standards of service are only influenced by market forces to a limited extent.

Public transport is of course a merit good, which makes its provision a delicate subject. It is difficult to say if the nationalisation of the public transport industry would lead to inefficiency. On one hand, Singapore does have an effective civil service that is not burdened by problems like corruption, yet on the other hand a profit motive would provide a good incentive to maximise efficiency. However, with merit goods there is also the issue of societal welfare. While currently the government's measures ensures that profits are not the sole driving force behind the firms, such that less profitable routes are still provided, it IS true that there are several problems now, including over-congestion of trains, etc. that are sore issues with the residents here. Other than expanding our infrastructure to pre-empt the rise in population size due to immigrants (easier said than done, given our limited land size), I can't think of any solution to this problem, since raising prices is obviously not feasible (the public already damn whiny lol). So err all that I can say is good luck Minister Lui Tuck Yew. :X

3. Miscellaneous

http://news.xin.msn.com/en/singapore/article.aspx?cp-documentid=5083368

This was in today's news haha. It's actually about improving the pay and working conditions for nurses, but what caught my eye was this particular phrase:

They want more training opportunities — our locals actually want to be better educated now, they just don’t want to stop at diploma, they want to have degrees and masters.

I remember there was a time when I seriously considered a career in Early Childhood Education. However reality kicked in when I realised how limited the career opportunities were. Being a typical human being, I want the opportunity to stretch my academic potential and I am not selfless enough to throw myself into an industry where the pay and career advancement opportunities are not as good as what I can get elsewhere. While in many industries such as teaching, nursing, etc., the conditions have been improved such that they attract high-ability Singaporeans who are passionate to establish careers in these fields, perhaps more could be done to cover more industries in which there is the problem of a lack in talent. In this case the government definitely needs to intervene, as pure profit motive may not motivate firms to undertake these measures.

http://theonlinecitizen.com/2011/07/the-singapore-that%E2%80%99s-great-for-everyone-except-singaporeans/#.TiT9ZuwcVIw.facebook

This article covers many issues. I won't talk about the stuff that I've already discussed, but there are some other interesting ideas that I'd like to bring up.

Whilst public healthcare remains relatively attainable, the quality is shoddy and apathetic.

Although um I may not necessarily agree with the author's possibly extreme view, it is true that the excessive demand for public healthcare reduces the quality of its service as compared to the private sector. While this is in accordance with the market system, this should ideally not be the case as all Singaporeans should receive equal standards of healthcare. (Not happening in a million years of course) Hopefully the imminent opening up of new hospitals like Sengkang General Hospital and Jurong General Hospital (i think?) will alleviate this problem to some extent. Which brings us to another problem - how to retain capable doctors against the competition from private hospitals.

(Btw irrelevant fact: Minister of Health Gan Kim Yong is in my GRC xD)

Can we not explore a tiered system in public housing to ensure that the folks who are in need get properly subsidized housing?

This is an interesting suggestion which I guess a lot of people have considered. (Including me lol) But easier said than done haha. It is really hard to differentiate between who needs them and who needs them more! :P Also, in this case the welfare of two different groups of stakeholders are conflicting - Singaporeans who want to buy houses, and Singaporeans who already have houses. An alternative is new housing projects, which is difficult since Singapore's land is already highly saturated, not to mention problems like the longggg waiting time and sky-high demand.

Personally I toyed with the idea of eyeing the older HDB estates to see if they can be part of the solution, especially as many of these estates consist of low-rise flats, which is obviously an inefficient use of land. Also, the residents there tend to be older, so erm there may be a highly rate of the residents moving out? (Trying to be politically correct here...) As of now, the houses would probably be unpopular on the resale market (cos they're old mah) but if they can be redeveloped it could be a valuable alternative for house-buyers. Haha does anyone have input on thsi idea? I'll be interested to discuss. xD (Eh I'm quite proud of this idea leh cos I didn't read it from anywhere else for once. Though probably other people also thought of it lol. Or spotted the loopholes. :P)

But the issue is that we haven’t yet developed the infrastructure to support this influx of people. Clearly, Singaporeans are bearing the brunt of sky rocketing home prices, over-crowded public transport and spaces, and lack of proper assimilation of immigrant communities. We boast of top-tier healthcare and education yet the regular Singaporean encounters something quite different.

Shall end off with this quote. I think it's a good evaluation of our current scenario right now. While foreign talent supposedly do help to propel the economy, perhaps the key of the problem really lies in the inadequacy of our infrastructure to support them (actually in a way that includes me as well :X). And actually I think Singaporeans should appreciate the government more for their efforts to solve these problems lah, like they should stop whining unless they really think they can do a better job running the country lol. :X

(Oh and in reference to the part about education, I think the fact that I feel SUPER DUPER EXTREMELY guilty for spending time writing this as opposed to doing work/mugging, kind of shows something. Including but not exclusive to the sad lives that J2s facing A levels lead. :( )

< edit> whoa my post seriously damn long leh O_O And I kinda sound like i'm doing an AQ haha < /edit>

Anecdote of a Cheapo

2011-07-24T22:48:00.002+08:00

Mum: Do you want dessert?
Me: No I'm full to the extent of bursting.

Restaurant manager exclaims to mum: Oh so you're a staff member! Do you want dessert? On the house!
(Mum looks at me)
(I nod enthusiastically)

Me: To be cheapo means that you can miraculously make space in your stomach for free food xD

On a side note, chill crab is (Y) And i lurveeee the 谩头s :D My stomach still resembles a watermelon sigh.

Happy birthday dad! (2h early oops :P)

2011-07-24T17:23:00.002+08:00

Confidence is when you gained weight and am obviously fatter but it's ok cos you still think you look radiant anyways in your new dress. XD Plenty of good sleep beats any skin product! :)

不哭

2011-07-24T01:05:00.003+08:00

Was eating dinner then turned on the TV for the first time since...dunno when. First song I heard was 不了情! Heh oldies are awesome. Though I am kinda more used to the original version than 陈伟联's version on TV.

Then I saw this drama 美乐加油 on channel U. Whoa for the first time I realise 贺军翔 is so good-looking. :P Though I never really liked 王心凌 cos she has this perpetually innocent face lol.

There was this song that really caught my eye in the show! 忍住不哭...it started playing after this emotional scene involving the male and female lead, then there was this very emo split-screen scene, which I really liked. :)

起初相信愛的路終點是指向幸福
才會一而再的選擇讓步
太固執而盲目忘了停下來
心疼自己的無助

無辜你拿手演出終於我可以麻木
從這裡分割出兩個國度
揮霍多少時間折磨多少痛苦
才累積出的領悟

忍住不哭我要忍住不哭
望向天空不讓眼淚流出
抬頭看進雲深處等待那日出
把故事結束把從前一筆消除
忍住不哭我要忍住不哭
不能認輸因為我相信彩虹總跟著薄霧
會帶來幸福在下一個叉路
陪我跳全新的舞

Okay I admit I don't have much liking for the verse, but I like the melody at the chorus a lot. :) Though the lyrics aren't super lyrical or what but I like the way it's so optimistic. :)

宁静致远

2011-07-23T20:35:00.003+08:00

记得有人送过我一幅字，就是这四个字 - “宁静致远"。

字是她自己写的，盛情可见一斑。我很喜欢。

从前一直觉得自己是个挺淡泊的人，就连人际关系也是如此。近两年，仿佛在自己身上看到了改变。也正因此，才领悟到了“宁静致远"这四个字的意义。

这句话用在当前的我身上尤其适合。前不久有位老师告诉我，有些时候要学会“放下"。我当时不甚明白，今日想起，别有一番感触。是该“放下"了，成大事者，必得有不一般的胸襟，而我，恐怕也是不甘为人后的吧。

累了，不想再过神经被勒得紧绷绷的日子。或许，学会看透，反而能更上一层楼。

近两个星期，又重新在书本里找到乐趣。好久违的感觉！随着书中的情节傻笑、流泪，竟让我在心灵上得到了平静。很怀念这种平和的感觉，它让我想起小时候望着窗外的蓝天白云作白日梦的日子。还有上中学时，在漫长的高速公路上，遥望着车窗外飞逝而过的景色时，不知为何，烦躁的心情竟能平息。

曾经很喜欢成天往外跑。的确，与朋友在一起的时光是快活的，可那也意味着，我开始害怕落单的寂寞。如今，我与独处重逢，就像是与从前的情人旧情复燃。虽没有了初次相逢的激情，平淡中却给了我另类的兴奋感觉。

原来快乐是如此简单。毕竟，我就是我。就算全世界都弃我而去，至少我还有我自己。更不用说，我的身边还有这么多爱我、在乎我的人。我实在是很幸福的。

幸福就是做我自己。不必为了迎合别人而改变自己，不必背弃自己的原则委曲求全。当然，我也要与千千万万的人们一样，为了梦想去奋斗，可我最终还是要回到最初的自己。不再虚假，不再谄媚，可以享受很单纯的快乐。

哈哈，竟又花了这么多的时间在此胡言乱语，真是辛苦各位读者的眼睛了! （如果果真有读者的话...我很清楚我用中文写的博文并不是太受欢迎。：P）我也该就此搁笔了，再会！

Baby don't you break my heart slow

2011-07-17T01:24:00.004+08:00

Haha first heard Taylor Swift's cover of this song, but I kinda like the other versions better. :P Really liked the original by Vonda Shepard, but couldn't find a good quality track on youtube, so here's one by...Make Your Momma Proud (weird name I know :X)

But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby dont you break my heart slow

Last Christmas

2011-07-16T01:13:00.004+08:00

One of my favourite Christmas songs...now covered by one of my favourite singers! :)

Chorus:
Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shied
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby
Do you recognize me
Well, it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me

Merry Christmas, I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying 'I love you', I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kiss me now, I know you'd fool me again

Chorus

A crowded room and friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you and your soul of ice
My God, I thought you were someone to rely on
Me, I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A girl on a cover but you tore her apart
Maybe this year
Maybe this year I'll give it to someone special

Chorus

And last Christmas
And this year
It won't be anything like, anything like

Last Christmas I gave you my heart
But the very next day, you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

哪里跌倒，就从哪里站起来

2011-07-12T17:04:00.003+08:00

Been getting back CT results these few days. Overall...not very good. But to some extent I'd say I was affected badly by nerves. Since the start of June hols I've been suffering from symptoms of stress, starting from when I was studying for SATs. For most of the holidays till now I've been plagued by different degrees of tension headache and loss of focus. In a way I think this is a more pressing problem than not studying. If I don't manage to overcome my nerves and perform up to usual standard in exams, what's the point of being well-prepared?

Though of course, no excuses for poor performance. 2 weeks was definitely not enough, I have to work harder and more consistently next time! And by preparing myself better maybe I won't feel so nervous anymore. It's a precious lesson learnt I guess. Barely 2 months to start of prelims! Gotta get in shape once and for all...

Was talking to sarah today and well, seems like many people are starting to lose their sanity cos of academic stress. I can feel myself going down that road too, and I've really got to get a grip on myself. It's hard, definitely, but I know I'll come out of it all a stronger person.

曾经很容易放下，但如今却不敢放下，只为了维持斗志。可代价就是，被自己给自己的压力压得透不过气。仿佛感觉自己开始有点像机器，喜怒哀乐都有些麻木了，我不喜欢这种感觉。真希望有人能向我丢一根救命的稻草，把我从旋涡里救起，可我内心知道，能救自己的，只有我自己。

你是自己最好的朋友，也是自己最大的敌人。

套一句话：置之死地而后生。藉此与君共勉。

等待，也是一种幸福

2011-07-12T01:13:00.005+08:00

有人说，最浪漫的事，是和你一起慢慢变老。也有人说，最幸福的事，是把最爱的人放在心口左边口袋。

而我企盼的幸福一直很简单。

为你去学做饭。虽然实在很难吃，可你幸福的表情却仿佛在品尝什么美味佳肴。

两个人窝在沙发上看电视，我哭得稀里哗拉，你取笑我。我嘟起嘴用抱枕砸你，你笑着闪避。你饶到我身后咯吱我，我又是尖叫又是不住地笑，反正总是让你占了上风。

星期六的下午，一起绞尽脑汁想低消费的约会方式。到街上转了一圈，两手空空地回来，却还是很开心。并肩在阳台上看落日，是最简单的幸福。

或许有一天，会有一个人，早晨叫我起床，让我不必再担心迟到。会有一个人，让我为他操心生活中的细节。让我安排他的衣橱、三餐，痴痴地在窗前等他回家陪我吃饭。或许会有一个人，能和我一起为共同的目标努力。虽然辛苦，可我甘之如饴。

你真幸福，有我在这里等着你。

可我也是幸福的，因为有你在宇宙的某一个角落等待着我。

某年某月的某一天，我们会在某一个地方相遇。

我期待。

我遇见谁会有怎样的对白
我等的人他在多远的未来
我听见风来自地铁和人海
我排著队拿著爱的号码牌
- 孙燕姿《遇见》

ohemgeegee

2011-06-26T20:21:00.002+08:00

子曰：知之为知之，不知为不知，是知也。 - 论语

Does anyone else feel that the more you study, the more you realise just how much you DON'T know? :X :X :X

-A last minute procrastinator freaking out and spouting gibberish-

走出去就有路

2011-06-25T16:16:00.003+08:00

And this song really gives me goosebumps, especially the chorus.

走出去就有路
寻见了就有福
拥有的一切都进了包袱
思念是带不走的

天空疑云密布
心中翻腾起伏
虽将飘摇前途仍模糊
此地会是我衣锦还乡处

飘洋过海我吃得起苦
相信天无绝人之路
现实有咒诅梦里有祝福
有缘同舟风雨同渡

顶着烈日当空眼底有迷雾
不能再让懦弱困住
日子多坎坷命运有变数
只盼久旱逢甘露

Memories

2011-06-25T15:59:00.004+08:00

Uhhh mugging is screwed but I decided to de-stress by watching youtube. XD Came across the theme songs of all the old mediacorp shows and they bring back such fond memories! O: I watched these shows when I was pre-primary school and even till now I can still remember the stories and the songs. Hoho I'll put up some of my favourite shows here:

早安老师 was like some must-watch for kids back them O: I think I kinda grew up with this show, and the song is pure AWESOME-NESS hahaha :D I think I can still remember the lyrics now!

出路 was some emo show but it was all the rage for a period of time I remember. I loved it a lot and my family watched it every night religiously :P Although I kind of can't remember the relationships between all the many main characters, I do remember individual scenes very vividly, including this scene where a girl went botak for some reason I can't remember. :X And I loved the song a lot a lot too!

Don't think I ever watched 东游记 completely but it's one of the period dramas that I liked a lot. Too bad mediacorp doesn't really do period drams anymore. >< (Other than little nonya maybe) My favourite characters were 吕洞滨 and 牡丹仙子!

Omg i totally remember the "我是播音人人人人人..." at the start of the show. :P The characters that I have the most vivid impression of are probably 程美光 and 小喇叭, and the epic "oh yeah" at the end of the theme song :D

And last but not least, 敢敢做个开心人!

Awesome theme song yeah! And it has such a positive message :) Uhh to all the pplz who are suffering from CT mugging, JIAYOU don't stress, 敢敢做个开心人! :D

(P.S. I suddenly feel very old O:)

快乐与伤悲，没什么分别，心碎到终点会迎刃而解

2011-06-21T19:05:00.003+08:00

Just realised that I posted this song previously without the title O:

>郁可唯-指望

作詞：潘協慶
作曲：潘協慶

怕不怕被拒絕怕不怕被省略
你怕不怕被淪落在宿命中妥協

當真愛宣告從缺
驕傲的玫瑰正一片一片枯萎
儘管你抱歉懺悔
真心一旦墜跌就不能飛

別指望我諒解別指望我體會
愛不是點頭就能挽回
快樂或傷悲沒什麼分別
心碎到終點會迎刃而解

別指望我諒解別指望我體會
愛不是注定要填你的缺
太多的是非來不及杜絕
更不想依戀這殘缺的美
殘缺的迂迴

我是谁

2011-06-21T00:59:00.000+08:00

主题曲-
Magic Power - 我是谁我是谁我是谁

作词：廷廷 (Magic Power)
作曲：廷廷 (Magic Power)

我是谁你是否常常这样问自己
我是谁总是活在别人的期望里
我是谁是谁又擅自帮你定义了
你是谁只有不是自己才安全

为什麽你以为这个世界很美丽
为什麽你爱这个世界胜过爱自己
为什麽这个世界不给你平等待遇
为什麽到底做错了什麽

无论他们又说什麽闲言闲语无法伤害我
世界上只有一个我没人能代替的我
无论他们又做什麽小动作无法打败我
我知道自己是最美丽的
The most beautiful...

Reminisce

2011-06-19T23:52:00.003+08:00

Yesterday heard RACO play 春. Originally was wondering why it sounded so familiar then a few bars into it I suddenly realised it was the soundtrack of last year's RJCO farewell video that jian made. Then suddenly all the memories of the last 1.5 years came flooding back. Listening to them play, it was as if the video was playing in my head, and all the myriad of emotions that I experience every time I watched that video just overwhelmed me. Now that it's our turn for our journey to come to an end, I feel it all the more strongly, and sitting there in the middle of the CO room again, I tried so hard not to let tears betray my emotions.

Watching the video again tonight reminded me of the carefree days before j1 concert. I must say it was the happiest time in my 2 years in rj. And that's something that I'll never forget.

(I think I've become significantly more emotional lately. No idea why hmm. But well, I guess no matter how rational I try to psycho myself to be, in the end I'm still a sensitive kid haha.)

And on another note, 周蕙 rocks XD

Don't speculate who I'm referring to (tsk tsk dont kaypoh you know who you are ^^). I'm single and always will be as long as I'm in jc XD

2011-06-19T00:46:00.001+08:00

犀利人妻

2011-06-18T04:00:00.002+08:00

Came across this drama on youtube. Didn't watch it (duh, or I'll be committing suicide) but ermmm spent a bit of my time tonight watching videos. Shall share some interesting quotes here XD

“女人啊，要多爱自己一点，不要舍不得吃，舍不得穿，舍不得花钱做脸。等到有一天你累垮了，就有别的女人会去花你的钱、住你的家、打你的小孩、睡你的老公。” - 何爱琳

“你知道比外遇更可恶的是什么吗？是欺骗。” - 谢安真

“也许...我并不是那么失败; 也许...再苦的生活中,还是会有甜美的时刻; 也许...甜美的时刻, 我不需要别人给, 我可以自己去创造; 也许...这世界上没有不可能的事, 没有过不去的关。” - 谢安真

“真正的犀利，是勇敢做自己。” - 谢安真

And my favourite quote so far：
“超越傷痛的唯一方法，就是原諒傷害你的人。” - 谢安真

What Hurts the Most

2011-06-17T18:28:00.002+08:00

First heard this song on Mushroom Hotpot day at Papermarket. Never got round to posting it cos I was busy and stuffz. :P

The MV is kinda sad...and the front is really angsty haha. Nevertheless, very touching!

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away

On another note, it seems that this time round I'm taking the exams way more seriously than I ever have in the past. Though progress is still screwed, of course, but well at least better than nothing! (At least this time round I won't be compressing econs into one day and CLL into 2h)

To everyone out there who's mugging their ass off, STRIVE ON!

寻梦

2011-06-16T22:49:00.006+08:00

今天，在学校图书馆复习CLL，念到徐志摩的《再别康桥》。

那榆荫下的一潭，
不是清泉，是天上虹；
揉碎在浮藻间，
沉淀著彩虹似的梦。

寻梦？撑一支长篙，
向青草更青处漫溯；
满载一船星辉，
在星辉斑斓里放歌。

诗人在母校寻到了他那彩虹似的梦。我不禁要问：我的梦在何方？

又或许，这正像徐志摩所说的“得之，我幸。不得，我命。”罢！

LONG update on my life

2011-06-09T00:21:00.026+08:00

Okay this shall be an ultra long photo post to give an update on the many goings-on over the past 2 weeks. :D Finally got down to posting!

1. RJCO CONCERT 2011

Hmm can't believe it's already been 2 weeks since concert. 2 weeks without touching my pipa and my callus is already peeling sigh. It's hard to believe that 6 years of my CO life is over, but whenever I see my pipa leaning against the side of my piano, plus the big paper bag that used to contain my concert attire but now only has the remnants of the wilted flowers that I received...I'm reminded that life won't be the same from now on. No more afternoons of CO pracs to look forward to, no more sectional dinners, no more MRT trips home with CO people...

I remember on the day of concert, before the night session, I cried for the first time in all these 6 years of CO. I didn't have such strong emotions 2 years ago when I left rgco, probably because there wasn't any proper closure due to h1n1, and also cos I knew I was going to join RJCO, so it didn't feel like an "end". That night, as I stood backstage with all my CO friends, I suddenly realised this was really the last chance I'm going to perform with all of them. Maybe I just didn't feel the need to be strong anymore, cos I know there are people around me to catch me when I fall. :) Some of them have spent 6 years with me going through thick and thin together, some of them have shared so much laughter and tears over the past 2 years, and all of them have made the whole journey ever so worthwhile and memorable.

This marks a new phase of my life. Although I guess life always moves on, I'll always remember the memories and the people whom I've shared them with. This whole experienced has really shaped me into who I am today. And even though we'll all separate into our own paths, I know that we won't forget all the awesome memories, and I am ever so thankful for that. :)

The whole journey has been magical. After the concert, as I stood in the middle of the stage feeling all overwhelmed by the electrifying exuberance of the crowds milling around me, I heard Taylor Swift's Today was a Fairytale playing on the PA system and I thought, how fitting, this is exactly how I feel right now. And I just stood there breathing in the atmosphere and FEELING. That moment has stuck in my head till now.

Now that it's over, I guess there really isn't anything left to say that can truly express what I feel. Here's a dedication to all the lovely people whom I've shared my CO journey with: All the best for whatever that you're going on to do! :)

Today was a Fairytale

PHOTO TIME!

(Cuiweiyi I can't believe we didn't take a proper photo together :X The only one that I found was so dark that we look like zombies T_T sighhhh)

Thanks for the memories~

2. Sleepover then Mushroom hotpot O:

Lol sleepover with zhaoyunan shinhuoy and snao. I rmb spending a lot of time tagging fb photos LOL. Haha quite fun esp since I haven't had a sleepover in quite a while. And not with so many people either. Shinhuoy rmb to return my jeans soon! XD

Mushroom hotpot was quite fun even though I don't think I ate much. :X But it was lovely seeing the CO people again! :)

Tanbo plus a jian who failed at trying to be invisible :P

-heart- :D

JY and snao with the cookie! :)

Then we went to watch KUNGFU PANDA haha. The baby panda was damn cute :D And we had so much fun making hongbo jokes cough :P

3. PSSC Fair and Lion King :)

Haha the fair was boring (duh) but what was fun was catching up with friends. :) Was so amused to see everyone dressed up so formally after getting so used to seeing people in school u lol. And afterwards we went kino! :) The dessert was (Y) we totally HAVE to go out to eat again one day. XD

Then trinaling ps-ed us and went home while celeste sarah and I went to watch lion king. Haha although the plot was ok-ok la but the atmosphere of watching a musical live was awesome. :) I loved their rendition of Can you feel the Love Tonight!

Disney rocks! XD

4.SATs

Sighhh mugged till I went siao but I guess too little, too late. XD Too bad I wasted time slacking in the front of the week. :P Plus bad idea to sleep so late the day before, which gave me a massive headache that lasted about 3 days. :X Totally prepared to re-take in dec lolz. Sighhhhh

5. Citizenship ceremony

Hmm I have photos in hardcopy but am lazy to scan in so I shan't be uploading them. Although I do think I look nice in them! :P It was quite boring luh felt like a school prize giving ceremony where you keep clapping for unknown people to go up and receive citizenship certs... And there were a lot of babies who kept making a lot of noise LOL. During the reception was talking to the emcee guy and found out that he was the last batch of year 6 students who graduated from Raffles Institution prior to the separation of RI and RJC! So cool right XD

And so well, I finally got my pink IC (I look gross in it btw) and I guess I can finally call myself Singaporean. :) Hmm so many new things in life to get used to, sometimes it feels like nothing has changed, yet sometimes I also feel like I'm a wholly different person from who I used to be! Well, whatever it is, 18 is an age filled with opportunities, and our paths will diverge from now on. Change can be scary, but right now I find it ever so exciting. :)

And I shall end this longggg post here. :) With the clearing of my room I have regained my optimism. XD Time to grasp the magic of youth!

陪伴

2011-05-22T14:47:00.005+08:00

那天听到电台播这首歌，好感动~

如果命運可以訂做
如果有另一次選擇
我想我還是會把手讓你緊握
快樂地陪你去坎坷

就算你有天變落魄
就算你老得不能動
我想我還是會挽著你看日落
你的心疼在淚光中

嘴巴上彼此嫌麻煩
眼神中關懷那麼滿
沒說愛卻早已認定一輩子的伴

在人前從來不浪漫
在心中卻總為對方打算
最懂的人最暖的伴

就算我以後變囉嗦
就算我老了有病痛
我想你還是會照顧我到最後
隱藏脆弱不眠不休

沒有辛酸沒有遺憾
什麼是陪伴什麼是心安你是答案

黄小琥有很多好歌，还有两首是我特别喜欢的。：）

Everyone deserves a happy ending :)

Cuntdown to Concert: 4 days left! O:

2011-05-22T03:28:00.001+08:00

我要自由

2011-05-17T00:23:00.007+08:00

Today was listening to 五月天 songs on shinhuoy's ipod. She likes a lot of their old songs haha. :) But I must agree, their songs are AWESOME. (Yixin I agree with you ttm about their lyrics being *_*) Here I shall post TWO songs that shinhuoy intro-ed to me today haha:

(I <3 梁静茹's version too!!! The MV is less weird and more sweet heh :P)

夜黑夜寂寞的夜里气生气对自己生气
软弱的电话又打给你
想听你那边的空气有什么精采的话题
你还是温柔给我婉转的距离

我的声音在笑泪在飙电话那头的你可知道
世界若是那么大为何我要忘你无处逃
我的声音在笑泪在飙电话那头的你可知道
世界若是那么小为何我的真心你听不到

会很会伪装我自己你不该背我的秘密
沉重都给我微笑给你
奔狂奔空旷的感情走暴走暴走的伤心
透明的叹息最后还是我的秘密

世界如果被残酷攻击只要给我一个电话亭
把内裤当外衣如果你能够开心
展开披风带你飞行
谁赐予我这一身无助的能力
神也不能阻挡你想离开的心

为什麼拯救地球是那麼容易
为什麼束手无策啊我和你的爱情
为什麼我能飞天也能够遁地
为什麼我却没办法长驱直入你的心

曾经你赞美我手臂逛街多能提日日夜夜贴身保护你
最凶狠的怪兽也不能与我为敌
那为何害怕你的泪滴
我给了我这一幕难堪的结局
谁要这样超人连自己也救不起

为什麼拯救地球是那麼容易
为什麼束手无策啊我和你的爱情
为什麼拯救地球终於完美结局
为什麼我只能够眼看着爱燃烧成灰烬
世界如果被残酷攻击谁来接手我的超能力

Hmm there was prac today. :) I'll do my best ba, though nina says 雨后 pipa is not expressive. :( Sorry I so noobz I'll try to improve. :( Sighh to hun-ing stuff for dazu pieces. O: Sometimes it's so weird I feel like I got play but like too soft even I myself can't hear anything. T_T My hun-ing skills like went up to a new level liddat such that I deceive even myself omg.

And grah I'm having a pimple outbreak now. :( :( :( Must be cos of lack of sleep plus all that stress. (And all the junk food :P) Hopefully it clears by concert omg. D:

On another note, I feel so sad that you're not understanding of my choice. Although I understand where you are coming from, but this is my life, and I need to make this decision myself. I know that so far you've been holding my hand through thick and thin, but I am going on 18 and I need to learn to carve my own path in the world. Filial piety only goes this far... I don't usually reject your opinions but in this case I cannot give in. Please don't make my life more difficult then it already is. >< Please don't make me want to run away from all this...

Well, on a last note...11.11: 希望你健康、快乐，僅此而已

Once in a blue moon

2011-05-14T00:58:00.007+08:00

Today was such an exciting day!

School was boring, as usual. :P Spent PE block doing 2 questions of math vectors tutorial. (Had MC) -.- Then was late for GP cos I was chatting with jian in the canteen oops. :P GP compre was so screwed and I ended up being 20min late for CLL class. Today's CLL was damn slack so it was quite fun. XD Then um math tutorial, which sucked cos I didn't do the tutorial heh.

After school rushed off to MediaCorp with Advocation for the radio show on 98.3 live. XD It was such an eye-opener omg and it was quite fun la. I just hope I didn't say too many stupid things on air. :X It was so exciting seeing how a radio show works and there were all those interesting bloopers (e.g. Bio SPA) that totally made my day. :D

Fell asleep on the cab on the way to AWWA for book sales, and ate a lot of Celeste's mum's biscuits cos I was hungry. O: I kinda don't remember doing much during the sales...but yay a lot of people bought our book. :) Then I cabbed back to school for CO lol.

Eeee only 13 days left to concert, and we are kinda unprepared. :P I did enjoy the music though, phantom is <3! I did feel quite "into" the practice, although I suppose in general attendance and discipline was quite bad. >< I think it's umm starting to take shape though!

Yuhou is a super nice song too. :) As of now it's a little disappointing cos we have so much technical difficulties which makes it hard to work on the musicality. >< But I'm sure by concert we'll be able to put on an awesome performance. :)

Err then I ended off my day eating at Macs with snao and yiwei haha. Big Mac! XD

Ok actually I guess my day sounds very boring, but well I was quite happy generally. :) (After syf my mood miraculously lifted!) Just that I was a bit tired, especially cos I was rushing from place to place. Cab fare burnt a big hole in my wallet. :( But hey I got to spend time with 2 groups of people whom I love a lot, Advocation and CO! :) :) :) Maybe that's why I decided to write a post even though after writing it I realise it sounds quite bland. :P

But I'm happy. :) And I guess that's all that matters. Hah!

(Taylor Swift~)

I watched superman fly away
You've got a busy day today
Go save the world I'll be around
I watched superman fly away
Come back I'll be with you someday
I'll be right here on the ground
When you come back down

Cos I loved you from the very first day~

When you Believe :)

2011-05-11T00:59:00.002+08:00

Yixin posted this song on her blog, and today I suddenly feel this urge to listen to it :)

We've come so far, and I'm so glad we've been through the journey together. :)

RJCO gives me hope <3

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

SYF RECORDINGS HOHOHO

2011-05-11T00:10:00.001+08:00

-hyperventilates again-

Today was a Fairytale

2011-05-10T00:25:00.004+08:00

RJCO SYF'11 GOLD WITH HONOURS :D :D :D

I'm so super proud of us omg omg omg. I remember feeling the butterflies in my stomach so badly even before they started announcing the results, and just waiting, waiting, waiting sooooo long for school number 9 to be read out. And then I was just stunned, sitting there with a foolish grin on my face, sensing that all around me people were exploding, jumping up from their seats and screaming, and all I could do was smile into my lap. :) Then there were all the tears (not mine :P) and so many hugs and so much emotion that we just couldn't find any way to express fully.

It's history, yes. That we've waited for so long. It's not only the past 4 months of hardcore praccing, not even the past 1.5 years in RJCO. For many of us, it's been 6 years of preparation, starting from basics, building foundations, all those years of effort finally culmulating in what we have achieved today.

I remember starting off yangfan poorly. When the sheng came in late weiyi and I glanced at each other and neither of us played the fan4 yin1 that we were supposed to play. Though unsettled, I put on a confident front and smiled nonchalantly at the audience. However, I was rather messed up inside and only at block C did I get my focus back. Fortunately I managed to immerse myself in the music from that point onwards and I played very naturally. So naturally that it didn't really feel as if I was "playing" at all. The notes and sounds seemed so much part of me that they just flowed so easily without me paying any attention. When we ended the song, I felt as if I had just woken up from a dream. It felt so incredibly surreal.

And dabohe. I must say this is the best dabohe that we've ever played, with the most emotions EVER. I was slightly tense starting near the end of block 2, but at block 15 I could really feel the super strong pulse of the entire tanbo that gave such a strong backbone to the xianyue spam which was really clean and impressive. :) From then on I really threw myself into the music and I could feel the entire CO feeling the same thing as we built up the suspense till the overwhelming finale. Somehow block 29 just felt so FIERCE and PASSIONATE which I have never before felt in our practices. It's like all 75 of us just poured our hearts and souls into this final few seconds of our short performance on stage, eager to prove the hard work put in through the past months.

And it paid off. It really did. The screams of excitement and overflowing emotion were evidence of that. Listening to our recordings, it's as if I relive the whole experience again and again, though I know that the same thing can never be replicated. I REALLY wish that I could somehow have watched our performance live and felt the impacts first hand. Although I didn't tear or scream or anything, but my heart was brimming with bliss and contentment like everyone else. :)

Beyond the exhilaration and all, I can't help but miss our whole SYF preparation process. It hasn't been a bed of roses, of course. There were pain and tears. But it's been so worthwhile. And now I cannot imagine life without CO. Concert is only half a month away...after 26 May 2011 what will life be like? There's so much to miss, the music, the people, the whole idea of having something to look forward to every week when I come to school...

But well, I guess life moves on. There's 17 days left. :) And now I shall go off to sleep feeling happy and hopeful. Suddenly life rocks so much~

P.S. RJCO I love you :D

五月的天，五月的夏天

2011-05-04T06:14:00.002+08:00

有沒有那麼一種永遠永遠不改變擁抱過的美麗都再也不破碎

And my personal favourite :)

走在風中　今天陽光　
突然好溫柔
天的溫柔　地的溫柔　
像你抱著我
然後發現　你的改變　
孤單的今後
如果冷　該怎麼渡過

天邊風光　身邊的我　
都不在你眼中
你的眼中　藏著什麼　
我從來都不懂
沒有關係　你的世界　
就讓你擁有
不打擾　是我的溫柔

不知道　不明瞭　
不想要　為什麼　我的心
明明是想靠近　
卻孤單到黎明
不知道　不明瞭　
不想要　為什麼　我的心
那愛情的綺麗　
總是在孤單裡
再把我的最好的愛給你

不知不覺　不情不願　
又到巷子口
我沒有哭　也沒有笑　
因為這是夢
沒有預兆　沒有理由　
你真的都說過
如果有　就讓你自由
這是我的溫柔

如果你對我說你想要一朵花
那麼我就會給你一朵花

如果你對我說你想要一顆星星
那麼我就會給你一顆星星

如果你對我說你想要一場雪
那麼我就會給你一場雪

如果你對我說你想要離開我
那麼我會說我會對你說…

A Fine Frenzy

2011-05-01T22:52:00.002+08:00

Hmm spent yesterday night to today evening taking time off to chillax and I must say, life without computer is so much more peaceful. :P And yes I'm finally allowing myself to enjoy some solitary time instead of rushing about doing one thing after another. To calm my frizzing nerves hahaha. Plus get some much-needed sleep of course. :P

And SYF is in 8 days! Wow somehow that feels so surreal. Sigh I wouldn't say I feel so confident or whatever, cos uhh I do actually feel quite lost as to our progress. Right now am trying my best to play my best, follow the rapidly-changing instructions, refrain from becoming brain-dead during long pracs, and basically enjoy the last stretch. Trying to zen lol.

Elections is so interesting haha. Been reading up about it in the papers and watched a bit of news, plus online commentaries, including various interesting fb posts. :) Will definitely look forward to the release of results haha.

Haha ok as usual shall end with songs. Been listening to A Fine Frenzy!

Should've known you'd bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do...~

Near to you, I'm healing but it's taking so long~

叶子/ 一直很安静

2011-04-27T01:36:00.004+08:00

Ahhh came across this MV again!!! Every time I watch it I'll cry like crazyomg. D: It's such an awesome song...and super sad too. ><

只是心又飘到了哪里，就连自己看也看不清。我想我不仅仅是失去你。

叶子是不会飞翔的翅膀
翅膀是落在天上的叶子

天堂原来应该不是妄想
只是我早已经遗忘
当初怎么开始飞翔

孤单是一个人的狂欢
狂欢是一群人的孤单
爱情原来的开始是陪伴
但我也渐渐地遗忘
当时是怎样有人陪伴

我一个人吃饭旅行
到处走走停停
也一个人看书写信
自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你

叶子是不会飞翔的翅膀
翅膀是落在天上的叶子

And another song by the same singer that I like :)

给你的爱一直很安静。我从一开始就下定决心，以为自己要的是曾经，却发现爱一定要有回音。

空荡的街景想找个人放感情
做这种决定是寂寞与我为邻
我们的爱情像你路过的风景
一直在进行脚步却从来不会为我而停

给你的爱一直很安静
来交换你偶尔给的关心
明明是三个人的电影
我却始终不能有姓名

你说爱像云要自在飘浮才美丽
我终于相信分手的理由有时候很动听

给你的爱一直很安静
我从一开始就下定决心
以为自己要的是曾经
却发现爱一定要有回音

给你的爱一直很安静
除了泪在我的脸上任性
原来缘分是用来说明
你突然不爱我这件事情

一个人 - 悄悄快乐

2011-04-27T01:06:00.004+08:00

Tomorrow is SYF rehearsal! Haha I'm so excited though it's super scary that there's only 12 days left...

Close my eyes...

And breathe in the CO atmosphere! Can't believe that there's so little time left...I want to embrace as much of it as possible while i can. :) I don't think I'll ever get such an experience anywhere else, so I'll treasure it while it lasts!

Hmm nowadays I'm trying to find myself again. 把迷失的自己找回来，学会在孤独的时候给自己一个拥抱。

一个人=/= 孤单

To find happiness in small things again. :)

我等的人他在多远的未来~

宫。锁心玉

2011-04-25T02:47:00.000+08:00

“你要好好吃饭，好好睡觉，好好照顾自己，知道吗？
只要你好好的，我就好好的。”

Life is like a train ride

2011-04-24T14:28:00.004+08:00

Life is like a train ride, it read. We get on. We ride. We get off. We get back on and ride some more...right up until we each make the final stop and leave the train for the last time.

Haha Sarah posted this on fb and I found it so touching that I just had to share it here. (The music rocks too XD) Indeed, life is like s train ride, and thanks to all you people whom I've met on the way. Thanks for enriching my life. :)

And here's another song that wenyun shared with me quite a few months ago~

You're so far away...

Strangers, again

2011-04-23T00:47:00.006+08:00

Haha came across this video on youtube. The front part was ok-ok but I really liked the ending scene.

"I think...that if life separates us and we end up in totally different places, we'll always remember what has passed in life in this period of time. And...I'll be thankful for that. And I hope that wherever you are, you'll be thankful too. And I think that that's the best that we can be sure of."

And on another note, good job RGCO for SYF '11. :) When I was sitting downstage listening, memories of my 4 years in RGCO flashed through my mind and I started to tear. Of course, the performance was not "perfect", but I know just how much sweat and tears has gone into it by each and every of the 80 girls on stage, because I've been there myself. And I was so touched by the music, and the sheer effort that shone through with it. I'm so proud of the juniors. They've come such a long way and I just know that the whole experience has been as unforgettable for them as it had been for me 2 years ago. :)

16 days to RJCO SYF. As of now the situation is still hard to tell. We do have a very long way to go, but I guess we are finally feeling the urgency (albeit a bit late). Haha I don't really care what we get in the end, but I really want to make this last few days memorable. As long as we've done our best, we have no regrets. :) Somehow now that the end is near I am re-feeling the love for CO again, and it's great. Time to get back that rush of adrenaline!

It's late, and there's full day CO tomorrow. :) I'll end with a song~

我不难过

2011-04-19T16:13:00.004+08:00

Been listening to a lot of 孙燕姿 songs recently haha. Somehow I think a lot of her songs have nice lyrics, aside from the nice melodies and voice. :) Heard this song on radio a couple of days ago. Recently there's been problems I guess, and I've been rather tired from all the stress and all, but it's always important to remain optimistic. And whatever happens, 我不难过，因为我从来不懦弱。

又站在你家的门口　我们重复沉默　这样子单方面的守候　还能多久
终于你开口向我诉说她有多溫柔　虽然你还握著我的手　但我已不在你心中

我真的懂　你不是喜新厌旧　是我没有　陪在你身边　当你寂寞时候
別再看著我　说著你爱过　別太伤痛　我不难过　这不算什么
只是为什么眼泪会流　我也不懂

就让我走　让我开始享受自由　回憶很多　你的影子也会充滿我生活
我並不懦弱　你比谁都懂　虽然寂寞　这会是我　最后的寬容

抱紧我　再抱紧我　这一份感动　请你让我留在胸口
別在说是你的错　爱到了尽头　是非对错　就让它随风
忘了所有　过得比你快活

我真的懂　你不是喜新厌旧　是我没有　陪在你身边　当你寂寞时候
別再看著我　说著你爱过　別太伤痛　我不难过　这不算什么
只是为什么眼泪会流　我也不懂

不要再说　或許这是最好結果　现在分手　总好过你不爱我一拖再拖
松开你的手　离开你左右　我向前走　这会是我　真正的解脱

逃

2011-04-19T00:06:00.002+08:00

10:30 我独自走在阴暗的小路上，脚步匆匆，仿佛在逃避什么。

地铁站的铜墙铁壁，如现实般无情。我害怕。四方的墙让我感到好沉好沉的压迫感。

地铁车厢好空好空，我的心好慌好慌。并不是有什么话要说，也没有什么情感要倾诉，不过想要个伴，让我在冷冰冰的空气中有一丝温暖。

为什么，最需要人陪的时候，反而最孤单？

当冬夜渐暖

2011-04-17T01:46:00.004+08:00

Haha this song didn't particularly impress me at first, but somehow after listening to it a couple of times it becomes rather addicting. I like the lyrics too. :)

虽然快乐不再那么简单，但是我会更勇敢。

很多事情不是谁说了就算
即使伤心结果还是自己担
多少次失望表示着多少次期盼
事实证明幸福很难

我们之间不是谁说了就算
拉扯的爱徒增结局的难堪
一百次相爱只要有一次的绚烂
下一次会更勇敢

当冬夜渐暖当大海也不再那么蓝
当月色的纯白变得阴暗
那只是代表快乐不再那么简单

当冬夜渐暖当夏夜的树上不再有蝉
当回忆老去的痕迹斑斑
那只是因为悲伤从来都不会有答案

当冬夜渐暖当青春也都烟消云散
当美丽的故事都有遗憾
那只是习惯把爱当作喜欢
重要的是我们如何爱过那一段

Falling sick

2011-04-15T00:18:00.003+08:00

I tried to fight against the inevitable...and failed.

Falling sick! Trying to suppress it by drinking lots of water while it isn't that bad yet...hope it doesn't get worse! ><

Please let this week be over quick...I hope next week will bode better...really need a break cos I feel like an overstretched rubber band with a GIGANTIC backlog of work. D:

Will post about CTs when I am a little more free and clear-headed. In the meantime, shall post this video here for the enjoyment of my readers. :) It's so cool that RJCO played the same song before, though of course SCO sounds a thousand times better haha.

Really brings back memories. <3 Reminds me of when it used to be so easy to feel happy and everything was so much simpler. Can't believe it's really drawing to a close...I feel so strange inside when I think back and everything that has happened in the past 1 year+ comes to mind. It's been so long yet so short...

I'll remember the laughter and the tears

我们没有在一起

2011-04-12T22:46:00.002+08:00

你一直说的那个公园已经拆了
还记得荡著秋千日子就飞起来
漫漫的下午阳光都在脸上撒野
你那傻气我真是想念

那时候小小的你还没学会叹气
谁又会想到他们现在喊我女王
你哈哈笑的样子倒是一点没变
时间走了谁还在等呢

这杯咖啡忘了加糖
真不是我那麼伤感
世界太复杂你说单纯很难
我当然都明白

可是呀只有你曾陪我在最初的地方
只有你才能了解我要的梦从来不大
我们没有在一起至少还像情侣一样
我痛的疯的伤的在你面前哭得最惨

我知道你也不能带我回到那个地方
你说你现在很好而且喜欢回忆很长
我们没有在一起至少还像家人一样
总是远远关心远远分享

那条路走呀走呀走呀总要回家
两只手握著晃呀晃呀舍不得放
你不知道吧后来后来我都在想
跟你走吧管它去哪呀

这杯咖啡忘了加糖
真不是我那麼伤感
世界太复杂你说单纯很难
我当然都明白

可是呀只有你曾陪我在最初的地方
只有你才能了解我要的梦从来不大
我们没有在一起至少还像情侣一样
我痛的疯的伤的在你面前哭得最惨

我知道你也不能带我回到那个地方
你说你现在很好而且喜欢回忆很长
我们没有在一起至少还像家人一样
总是远远关心远远分享

我们没有在一起至少还像朋友一样
你远远的关心其实更长

让她降落

2011-04-10T17:01:00.003+08:00

她没有焰火绚丽
也不象鸟儿会迁徙
不过是放飞的风筝
怕你心痛才自由
记忆的线索在你手中

如果你能让她降落
天空如自由无尽头
宁愿是条船如果你是大海
就让她能漂流在你心中

这世间繁华太多
人影交错擦肩而过
她走过惟独她走过
让你停下了脚步
沉默两颗心不再沉默

如果你能让她降落
天空如自由无尽头
可知那颗心在风中太落寞
就让她停留在你怀中

宁愿是条船如果你是大海
至少让她降落在你怀中

天空突然一片辽阔

2011-04-10T01:04:00.003+08:00

怀念过去
悼念错过的曾经

Faith

2011-04-07T23:50:00.002+08:00

Tired, tired, tired... Conked out badly last night which was a bad sign cos it means I'm over-stretching my health again.

I love CO. I truly do. I really enjoy the music and I put in my best when I play. At times I am relaxed enough to make small talk and laugh. But a lot of the time I'm just so tired, even falling asleep on my pipa, sometimes forgetting to come in cos I just totally zoned out.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I need better studying habits and time management.

CT results are starting to come back... I guess I'll wait till everything's back before posting about it though. In some ways my efforts paid off, in other ways my lack of effort got me what i deserved... I should be glad that so far I have not died extremely badly yet, but I shall reserve comment till everything is back.

Today felt rather refreshed after yesterday's long sleep. Shows that sleeping early DOES make a difference. I'll try to achieve more of that, meaning less MSN and slacking online. Though I guess not many people actually talk to me online anyway haha.

Went to the library today to do some work, and couldn't resist the urge to pick up a couple of books and flip through a bit. I really miss reading. Proper reading. Not those brainless chick lit or teenage romance novels that I have taken to reading to relieve stress. Not that recently I've had time to touch any of those even. I miss that surge of excitement when I walk into the library and spend hours looking at novels and reading late into the night, allowing myself to enter a world entirely different from reality.

But alas, now is not the time. The "end" is almost in sight. Though I dont know if there is ever an end. But one must always have hope, I'd rather deceive myself with the promise of the "end" than lose faith when I cannot afford to.

And I'm tired of drama. I just want to close my eyes and shut myself away from all the complicated things that are going on around me. I no longer have the energy to go through all that emotional trauma. Too tired to try anymore.

Silence, calm my harried heart.
Peace, embrace my troubled soul.
I will find the eye of the storm.
I will seek an ethereal goal.

2011-04-05T22:48:00.003+08:00

Been really tired ever since the end of CTs, and despite slacking through last week I've still been super lethargic for the past 2 days. I think I'm over-stretching myself and not getting enough rest, but there is nothing that I can push off... I don't think I can sustain for much longer like this, but I cannot see any way out... :(

Came across this song today haha. Once upon a time I was actually quite into HSM songs, and this was one of my favourites. Although the plot was quite cliche, I guess the movie was entertaining enough! I liked the first one most though, the sequels were all a bit :X

And my current favourite song is 红豆. Super soothing melody to listen to at night. Really helps to calm me down. :)

等到风景都看透，也许你会陪我看细水长流~

Fencing! :O

2011-04-01T03:42:00.001+08:00

Celeste wee and trina ling look here! -->

I was super amused by how all the fencing scenes were so drama :P

禅

2011-04-01T03:13:00.004+08:00

《班扎古鲁白玛的沉默》
扎西拉姆.多多

你见，或者不见我
我就在那里
不悲不喜

你念，或者不念我
情就在那里
不来不去

你爱，或者不爱我
爱就在那里
不增不减

你跟，或者不跟我
我的手就在你手里
不舍不弃

来我的怀里
或者
让我住进你的心里

默然　相爱
寂静　欢喜

一棵开花的树

2011-03-26T02:29:00.006+08:00

《一棵开花的树》席慕容

如何让你遇见我
在我最美丽的时刻

为这
我已在佛前求了五百年
求佛让我们结一段尘缘
佛於是把我化做一棵树
长在你必经的路旁

阳光下
慎重地开满了花
朵朵都是我前世的盼望

当你走近
请你细听
那颤抖的叶
是我等待的热情

而当你终於无视地走过
在你身后落了一地的
朋友啊
那不是花瓣
那是我凋零的心