I'll be going back to China the coming friday...and coming back on Wed. Will be missing one day of school.

My grandma...after over a decade of illness...may not make it through this time round.

Even before I was born, she already started to suffer from Alzheimer's disease. Over the past nearly 2 decades, she lost most of her brain functions, and suffered from a whole lot of illnesses like diabetes and had problems with many of her organs. At first, the doctor said that she would probably live only another 3-5 years...but she persevered. Many times, she was brought into the hospital on an emergency, and the doctors already gave up, but her strong will to live led her through again and again. My granddad...never gave up on her.

This time round, my granddad...is finally prepared to let go. It's cruel to keep holding her back...the methods that they use to forcefully sustain her life are bound to have made her suffer, he says. She's suffered for way too long. If fate means for her to go, he won't hold on.

It's strange to imagine 2 people in their 70s being in love. But I've always known that my granddad loves my grandma a lot. I never got to know her well because she's had Alzheimer's as far as I can remember, but that never stopped her from being a big part of my family and my memories. I cannot imagine what it has been like for my granddad, to see the one you love lose her memory day by day, to forget the past, forget those around her, to gradually lose her speech, and be eventually chair-bound. To watch the one you've lived with all your life, deteriorate till she's almost like a child, then lose her entire mind and soul...

My grandmother has had a fulfiling life, i guess. She was a careerwoman, and always was full of energy and motivation for life. Even when she was severely sick, with no more mind of her own, this strong will to live allowed her to persevere through more than a decade. She is in her 70s. I guess by now...we ought to let go...

What I am worried about, is my granddad. For so many years, he's been living with his mother and wife, both sick with Alzheimer's, since both his kids are in Singapore. My great-grandma passed away early last year, at the age of 90. If he loses my grandma too...he's going to be even more lonely than before.I don't know whether he wants to come to Singapore and whether his health allows him to, but if he doesn't...I can't bear to see him live alone. :(

Years ago, when my grandma had an attack, I cried so hard. These few years, some things have happened, and I guess I've grown. I guess death is something that everyone will sooner or later grow to accept. But it's just so hard, to get used to the fact that, someone will never be part of your life again...

At this moment, let love give us strength. I need to be strong for my mum, and she needs to be strong for my granddad. I don't know what's going to happen, but I will draw strength from all the love that everyone around me has given me, through all of my 17 years of existence on this earth. And whatever happens, she'll always, always live on in my memory.

Never give up hope.

Labels: hope

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Thanks for reading :)

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